I had a wonderfully relaxing weekend in San Francisco with Michelle and Danielle. I'm so very glad I went and it was good to clear my head and turn my thoughts away from "pressing" things here... Anyway, Michelle and Danielle are amazing girls women and I am lucky to know them and live with them here. The car rides were fun! On the way we had not only the three of us but also Katie and Scott (also called Scottish.) It was a tight fit in the back seat but playing 20 questions got everyone relaxed right away and I was sad to see the car ride end. We got to Danielle's hosue and pretty much went to bed as it was about 10:30 and we'd all gotten up early. The next morning, we slept in and then headed to the Bay. We did a lot or walking and even rode a cable car from China Town to Fisherman's Warf. We mostly hung out at the warf and I even saw two boys from my Highschool and stopped to talk with them.. that was fun. From there we went back to China town where Michelle and I bought Dimsum.. yum!!! and then we headed back to Walnutcreek and watched movies until midnight-thirty and then went to bed. Sunday morning, we went shopping... and we discussed how I should have bought this cute big brimmed hat with a black bow in one of the Bay shops.... we could not find its equal in any of the shops in Walnut creek. A cute little town but rather high prices. We went to Target, ate ice cream and looked at overly priced clothes and then headed out of town a short while later. We stopped for Thai food in Merced(?) and it was amazingly good food! Then we went on to church...
My story actually takes a delightful turn from here but I need to be getting back to work... so I'll post again tomorrow!

what do they really think of you by purple
lj name
sex
age
your best friend thinks	you're sweet
your family think	you look like the milkman
strangers think	you're not quite sane
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

So, last night I saw my first bear. I was walking the AIM trail, at night and by myself, of course. Coming back from dinner about 8:00 and as I neared the final stretch toward the houses it popped out from the side of the road where there are a bunch of fallen apples and ran across the road toward the Quintana's house. I of course froze as I heard it run a short ways then stop. I yelled, "Hello?" as I heard it running again and then stop... this continued twice more, me yelling and it running and stopping.. and when I finally heard it up near the Green House I continued briskly on my way to The Ranch Hosue. If my big deer-in-headlight-eyes didn't give it away... as soon as I told people about it there were naturally about 3 guys running out the door in search of it. Silly boys. :) Just when you start to forget that you are out in the wildernessand that there are more animals around than you'll ever realize, soemthing liek this happens. The boys of course, could not find it. Anyway, that's my story for the day. Danielle, Michelle and I have officially decided to go to San Francisco this weekend. It should be good to get away. Thanks to all for your support.

I was in such an amazing mood yesterday. What happened? The sky was blue, after work I ran around outside for an hour playing by myself in the grass... But literally, today the sky is cloudy the weather turned cold and the breeze started blowing. We have a chance of snow on Friday. Do I even want to go to San Francisco this weekend? In some ways I think it would be really good for me, in other ways I just want to stay here and feel sorry for my pittiful self.. but two weekends gone in a row? and less than 2 months left here... I don't know if I want to leave. I'm content where I am. Jeremy was my sunny sky in the midst of clouds today. He made me a sign that I can paint later for my garden. Maybe that would make me feel better. Would it really? I know my only true happiness can come from the Lord, but I'm feeling so helpless... I call and I get no response and I keep stumbling around in the mess I've made. Is my desire to be loved really that sinful as I feel it is? I suppose its how one goes about seeking love. I feel hopeless. I make promises to myself and at the whim of my flesh-desires I cast them aside knowing I am causing myself pain in the long run. Knowing I am causing others pain... but for a moment of feeling wanted and loved Is it worth it? What can I do when my world is closing in and I can't find a way out? My heart is broken. My insides feel empty. I feel so alone.

This weekend was amazing. Perfect weather, warm days... gardening all day Saturday with Ellie and then reading two short stories... Saturday was very relaxing. Sunday I painted in Sherwood with Jancie and then the two of us went out to a late lunch and then to the house where I hung out with Amanda until Church. It was a good weekend. To top it all off there was a live goat in church... I love SVPC! Its amazing! Then, I ended Sunday evening with an amazing conversation and prayer with Michelle. Though my weekend was perfect my heart was unsettled and I must beseech all of my dear and faithful readers to continue praying for me. I am struggling. I am receiving little peace in my prayers and little peace from my own heart and silly mind. Please pray for me. And for those who were praying for me about the office... its worked! I'm rather fond of the office now... answering the phones is more of a joy and the strange people only add to my amusement. "My son lost a sock... can you please send us his sock back?" "I'm sorry, we usually throw away socks, but I will have Accommo check for you just in case." "You threw my sons sock away?! Those socks cost me 15 dollars! What am I supposed to do with just one sock!?" Though I wanted to tell her to make a sock puppet, I refrained.. but it did make a great story to pass on. Thank you for your continued prayers. They mean the world to me!

Older Chests reveal themselves, starting small but growing in time. We all seem to need the help of somone else to mend that shelf. There's too many books, just read me your favorite line. Papa went to other lands, he found somone who understands that western man just need to cry. He came back the other day, well, some things in life may change and some things stay the same... Like time. Always time on my mind. Pass me by, I'll be fine, just give me time. Older 'gents sit on the bench with their caps in hand, looking grand and watch thier cities change. The Children scream (or so it seems) louder than before... they're out the door and into stores with bigger names. Their Mama's try to wash thier faces, but these kids have lost their graces and Daddy lost at the races too many time. I broke down the other day, well... you know, some things in life they change and some things they stay the same. But time... There's always time.

I am going home.

I will be in Las Vegas at 8:35 on the evening of April 1st and I will be leaving Las Vegas at 6:55 on the evening of April 4th. Start making plans with me now, I want to see everyone while I'm home because I may not be home again until after the summer.

My weekend was not very eventful and in truth, I'd rather not talk about it. Although I will say that I had a wonderful Friday evening with Jancie! We went out to dinner and then we went to Gottschalks and Janice (yes Janice) and I went clothes shopping. I bought two pairs of boys shorts... mainly because the girls shorts like to show way more leg than I'm comfortable with and far too much butt than I'm sure anyone else would like to see. That's enough said about that... perhaps even too much said!

I'd rather not go too deep, or even into any kind of depth, with how I'm feeling lately. It does not have to do with anyone on Common Fire and it doesn't have to do with work... which I have begun to find myself more content with than I could have imagined myself earlier... It has to do with spiritual things. If you came to Common Fire right now and asked anyone about me, I'm sure they'd say that I have lately been stricken with fits of tears which no one but a select few know the details. I don't expect the tears to stop any time soon and nor, in honesty, do I want them to. If the tears stop so does the sensitivity to the matter at hand. My two confidants tell me this is moving me forward in my walk with Christ, not moving me back as I do feel I am going. Forward. Just plugging away, slowly but surely. I can tell you this however, I have been praying for this very thing to begin... started praying about this only a week ago and God has already begun to answer my questions and bring things into the light. He has begun to open my heart to truth and to close my ears off to the lies and the hate and the anger that is, at this moment, eating away at my spirit. My search of truth and my search for something REAL has begun.

Please pray for me.

You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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So, I'm not always the smartest person in the world. In fact I'd even go as far as saying that half the time I land in the "stupid" catagory of the world. Steph Garver why do you do stupid things? Why why why? Why do I have zero respect for myself? Why don't I listen to Jesus? All things aside, why do I do things when I know that in the long run they are hurting me? Steph Garver, why do you do stupid things? Why do I have silly feelings? How can I be so fake one minute and so real the next? Why do I do stupid things? Why do I say dumb things and hurt people? Why do I let other stupid people hurt me with thier own dumb comments...? That's all I have to say about that.

As for updates from Steph Garver, after work yesterday, I hung out with Amanda on a short walk through the snow, we talked about how boys can be dumb... and how girls can be stupid when it comes to boys. (It all equals out. Everyone has to be dumb and stupid once in a while to keep things balanced.) After the walk, Amanda and I went up to the barn to jump on Andrew. Andrew and Amanda are a great couple! They had me laughing the whole time! You know when you hang out with a couple there's often that third-wheel feeling or at least some form of awkwardness... those two have zero awkwardness. Never did I feel like a third-wheel. They totally complement eachother... (that's something that deffinately makes a good pair... complementing one another.. What type of a person would complemetn me, I wonder...) Anyway, the three of us hung out from about 6-8 until I went off to be with Jesus.

Question! Why do boys always turn girls into mush?

Monday night we had the most amazing barbeque in our yard. Sean and julie made it, of course. Chicken like no chicken I've ever tasted... fresh barbequed aspargus, barbequed whole red bell peppers.... corn bread in skillets... fish... little red potates... a perfect cleanr stary night set up picnice style against the sun set with little tealight candles everywhere... it was right out of Home and Garden's.. amazing food and delicious company... wait, I think I meant that in reverse. :) Then we sat inside after star gazing and played cards.. it was a wonderful evening. I got to talk to Jeremy, Sarah and Phillip later on that evening.. fun fun fun!

As for my birthday, I'm sure that all you well-wishers are just dying to know what Steph Garver did for her birthday! "What did she do?" "Did she get a cake?" "Did she have to go into work?" Calm down friends, calm down... I'll get to everything! Let's start with the fact that I got to sleep in, which was nice. I had to force myself to keep sleeping in and then went to take a shwoer.. and friends this is possibly the best thing you will read on any blog today! I shaved my legs!!! (Of course you must also understand that I had not shaved since Christmas.) But yes, I have shaved my legs... mainly because on Monday night Phillip discovered that he could pull my leg hair... and so I shaved to prevent that from ever happening again. And because its almost summer... YAY! After showering and shaving, I then played outside with Phillip. He hung out on the porch and I hung out on the little fence above the hobbit hole, talktalktalk. Then we went and sat in the hammock and played around until about 11:30, when he went to finish his rocket... which he named, "Maybe." We shot off Maybe at 12:30 in the afternoon out on the green.... Maybe did not go up more than a few inches however before promptly tunring into a pipe bomb and exploding. Pieces of Maybe covered the green and quite honestly, we were all very lucky we didn't get hit with the slying pieces... because they covered the green when we later went to pick up all the loose pieces. He was a little down after that and also coming down with a head cold, so we went back to the hammock and slept in the sunshine after having a little picnic-type lunch. About an hour later the wind had picked up and we moved inside.. since all day we'd been running around in short sleeves, with our pants rolled up and barefoot! Bare foot in the sun, amazing, friends.. amazing! Being from Las Vegas, I sure do miss the warm sunshine and the soft warm breeze... Anyway, I ended up quite sunburned.. even though Phillip and others were in the sun as much as I was I got all types of tan lines... white on one side a pretty shade of pink on the other. After moving inside, I tucked Phillip into the couch, as he was sick, put on some soft music and then headed over to the office where I found I'd been delivered flowers from my parents who love me! Yay flowers... happy bright ones with a big purple bow! When I got back, Phillip and I hung out some more before everyone who'd left this weekend got home! Yay! I missed them.

Ellie and Amanda brought me a crown to be a princess at which Briches said, "Don't encourage her!" (Thanks Ellie, Thanks Amanda!) Briches brought me a carmeld apple... that boy knows the way to my heart. (Thanks Brian!!) Several presents were left on my bed.. (thanks Julia! and whoever else, I love you too!) And my last and biggest thanks go to Janice and Leslie for the Damien Rice CD... (Oh, I wish my anme was Amy... Thanks Lelsie Mitchell! Thanks Jancie!) And many thanks to all you who sent cards, left voice mails, emails and text messages... Fred, Sarah, Tammi, Grandpa Jean, my parents.... Kari Maddox, Garver Grandparents, Crislip Grandparents, Javier, Eric and everyone else! Thanks I love you love you love you all!! :)

Today is amazing!! Yesterday was amazing! Not a cloud in the sky all day... Yesterday, I walked down to 41.. about 8 miles down hill. Perfect day, warm and sunny... amazing! I talked to Javier too! It took about an hour and 45 minutes or so. Then, Common Fire played outside together! In the hammock and climbed trees barefoot and smiling! We all went to church and then had pancakes and omlets for dinner...

Today I have my office window open and Common Fire gathered on our back porch in the sunshine and all ate lunch and drank soda together. sos cute! Now I'm taking a moment break to write to you and tell you I'm listening to Casting Crowns really softly and perfectly happy and content.. not too much work but what I do have is fairly fast and easy as long as I don't skip steps.. and I was at a perfect place to stop a moment. :) Such an amazing day! Its seriosuly is 80 degrees and feels just like summer and the air still has a slight chill to it enough to stay a perfect temperature in jeans and a t-shirt! :) :) :)

Everyone (except me) has the day off tomorrow. :-/ So, I asked for the day off tomorrow.. we'll see... my excuse? Its my birthday and everyone either has the day off or has the option of having the day off... Most everyone has decided to take the day off... with weather like this? How can anyone work!? There are only a hand-full of us still here... Juana, Ben, Briches and Ellie went to Santa Barbara to play on the beach. And Katie and Danielle went to Oakland to visit family and Amanda and Andrew and Michelle are all in Fresno. That leave Janice, Leslie, Julie, Sean, Phillip, Jeremy and me! Its exciting! I'm excited to get off work and go running around in the grass barefooted! :)

I love the summer! YAY!!

Oh man, what a beautiful morning right now! This post will remain short because of it! :) Yesterday could have been like any other, but I took a step forward. I stepped out on a limb and I talked to Luara Cosby...for about 2 hours I talked to Laura Cosby. We talked about my life and things I desired and thing to pray about. We talked about the future, we talked about the past... we talked about Jesus and who I am in him. We talked about the desires of how the desires of our hearts can be Godly, and how I want to grow close to him more than any other thing... and we talked about how we'd both felt God pulling us together. It was a good talk. Its true. Juana made the Ranch House folk dinner last night and the Cosbys came over, and even the Capps joined us and we played a few rounds of Apples to Apples! (what a sily game!) Then Phillip and I -- well, really it was just Phillip and I carried things and watched -- built a rocket. Oh, I can't forget that Tammi and Kari called me at work yesterday.. I love them a lot! Then after Phillip was tucked in bed, Ellie and I talked just a little bit. I like her, we live on the same page of life. Well, I'm supposed top hang out woth Phillip today, but I think Eric's coming today... at least thats what his comments lead me to believe... what would I do today if I could do anything? I would walk up and down Sky Ranch Road. That's what I would do... Maybe soemone will go with me! I deffinately will do it at some time, even if not today.
What would you do today if you could do anything at all?

Um... I got accpeted to UNR today. They sent me a bumper sticker along with the acceptance letter. Can't you just see me driving around with a UNR bumper stick?! Heck, I would be soo cool! hehe! Well, that's all... my face hurts... so I've been taking lots of tylenol... unfortunately, its still puffy and still sore. But that's life, aint' it? I love when the clouds roll in here! Unlike normal places where clouds dot or cover the sky, the clouds fill the air around us! woopee! I'm going to take a shower tonight. Loves!

Last night, I was playing with Amanda.. she's a tough little fire ball, dont let her size fool you into 'nothing...we were wrestling around and playing and such and she ended up kneeing me in the face... my eye promptly started swelling... and well... if this doesn't earn me a black eye, I don't know what will!! CrAzY, huh? My eye itself is fine.. its the skin and area around my eyes that is painful.. to blink.. but its deffiantely not as swelled as last night. Though still a bit swollen.. its starting to bruise a little spot above my eye and below my eye is a red patch where blood vessels did something crazy. I do have a head ache.. and found is hard and awkward to sleep last night. But no bruise! I'm slightly worried about that...but Andrew said they're usually worse 2 days after... so, here's to waiting! YAY! As for me, I fell asleep with some Tylenol in me and woke up this morning, taking some more. I think people are really funny though... whenever you see a new mark on someone's face, for example the strange reddness under my eye... no one comments on it, "Say, how'd you get that mark below your eye?"... they make me laugh. Oh well! Maybe I'll have a black eye for my birthday!!! (March 9th, friends!) Cool, huh?

On a side note, my Mom sent me an email with this little story of hers included... I just thought I should share it with everyone: "I need to share an experience I had at church last weekend. At the 2nd service, two people, a man and an older lady came and sat in the very front pew. They were shabbily dressed and no one in the congregation was sitting very near. (you know how they all crowd the back) When it was time to "pass the peace", I marched right down (the man had gone) took the lady's hand and told her "welcome to our church - the peace of the Lord be with you" and tears welled up in her eyes. The ONLY other member of our congregation that came forward was Jan Hanby. (a sweet, white haired, small woman that ALWAYS asks about you - ever since Senior Sunday) I felt I was helping live out the words to "If we are the body" by Casting Crowns. When I snuck out a little early from the back of the choir loft, I saw the man outside the front doors of the church, so I went to him and said "Even if no one else tells you, I'm glad you're here today". He smiled sheepishly and thanked me. "Jesus paid much too high a price for us to pick and choose who should come and we are the body of Christ"."

You are a white cat, very timid and beautiful, the
color of pureness. You should try and be more
adventurous, and get your fur a little dirty
once in a while!


What color of cat are you?
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My feelings were hurt last night by some of the people I live with. I was happy and talking and laughing one moment and the next I was completely taken aback by mean-ness, so I got up said, "Well, that's my cue to go to bed" and walked out hearing their, "Stephanie, come back here..."'s in my ear. I headed straight to my room, where I promptly told Janice I had big feelings and sometimes I wish I didn't. Because in truth what was said was not terribly mean it was just a combination of people saying things and how the conversation went between people who said them... as they were all directly or indirectly pointed at me. It wasn't one of the conversations where someone says something and words sting it was something that really hit me in my core. I don't know... I know I did overreact but it was enough to make me close enough to tears that Jancie had to sleep with me to keep me from crying. Maybe it was just a combination of events from yesterday... In any case, that's my up date.