I went to Las Vegas this weekend. It was good time... Mom and I hung out. Yes, it was a good time. My plane arrived back in Reno maybe 5 minutes late. I headed to baggage claim... had to wait for the bagge to start coming around... I waited. Then the baggage stopped coming... ("um... bag, where are you?" thought I.) So I walked over to an information desk where an old woman smiled at me. "Can I help you?" she asked. "Yea, my bag never came." She nodded slowly with an understanding smile as if I was telling her about boy issues. "Here, honey, have a piece of candy." ("Oh no! My bag has been sent to China!") Then she directed me to a baggage claim booth. From there I was told to wait about 30 minutes until the next flight arrived to see if my bag was just put on the wrong plane. ("Put on the wrong plane!?") So I waited... meanwhile, Andrea, who had circled the airport fifteen times pulled into a parkinglot to wait, pray and learn how to use a new GPS toy, given to her by her father. I stood when the next baggage came around...("I hate airports, they scare me... am I stuck here forever?") I went back to the baggage claim... "Oh, that luggage wasn't from Las Vegas, you have to wait some more." ("I'm never going to get my bag, I'll be stuck here forever... I have homework to do!") Then I waited until the next Las Vegas baggage came through...("Bag I'll never see you again!!") So I filed a report on my missing bag.. I was told if my Bag never showed up I would be given $2,500 compensation. ("Good bye, Bag! Hello, transfering colleges!") Of course as I was leaving the air port I suddenly recalled everything my Bag had inside. ("ACK! my homework! My crocheting! Macaroni and toilet paper! Ack!") About 4 hours later, I recieved a call from my airline. My Bag had been found! ("Good bye, college transfer...") So I left my room and headed for the library where I did a group study for a math test. At the library I recieved 4 calls from my Bag's lost driver. He wanted to deliver it to my room... ("Um... they will not let a strange man with a full bag into the dorms... on Halloween, none the less. Sorry.") He insisted on taking it to my room. ("No, it's okay! I'll go get it when I come back from the library. It's going to be okay, I promise!") He seemed troubled by leaving it with strangers. ("tough luck... sorry, kid. That's the best I can do for you right now. I need to study... stop calling me!") And thus, when I was done studying, I retrieved my Bag from the front desk and showed Flanny all my weekend treasures.

Daddy, the beef jerk is amazing! Thanks!

The Following is my most recent English paper. The topic was "Identity."

Stephanie Garver
Denice Turner
English 101, 040
October 28, 2004

Salt of the Earth

It was near the end of summer and the staff was down in the little town of Oakhurst, as they were every Saturday afternoon to play Frisbee, eat Pizza, and drink coffee. It was on one of these Saturday afternoons that two young men showed up with a video camera. They were, at random, choosing people from our staff to interview on video for a lesson at their church the following day. I happened to be one of those “chosen.” The tall young man asking the questions began with this: “who are you? Not who people see you as or how you act around people, but who are you on the inside? Who do you say that you are?”

Throughout my middle school and part of my high school life, I was known to conform and “become” my friends. I began to pick up actions, ways of speaking and different words and phrases depending on the group of friends I was with. People have told me that I have my Mom’s boldness and class and my Dad’s humor and ears. I’ve heard it said that I am the “American Girl” or the “Girl Next Door.” When I am around my friend, Sarah, I pick up her “accent.” When I’m around boys, I act tough. When I’m around girls I’m “girly.” In short, I was a conformist. I changed according to the world and circumstances around me. One could still even go as far as to compare me to a student, a daughter, a friend because in each one of these situations I would respond differently. My perspective is formed by a lot of thoughts that no one else has access to, each thought a long history that no one but I know; a collection of what other people think of me that nowhere near approaches the way I think about myself.

For a time I found my identity in my outer appearance. I would get up early (about four a.m.) to take a shower, curl my hair and put on make-up. I cared about how I looked and I wanted everything to match. In short, I simply wanted to fit in. In High school I was a “choir kid.” I was voted, “Best Smile” and “Most Artistic.” But none of those things were really who I was. People saw, and can only see the shells of those around them. They noted that I loved to sing, they saw me smile often, and they saw me in all the musicals and at all of the art fairs therefore, assuming that I was “artistic” and that I always was smiling but all of these things mean little to me, because they are not lasting.

At a pivotal point in my middle school days I was made a “new creation in Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:17). It happened while I was at summer camp during seventh grade; God spoke to my heart. I had been sitting in the forest with a group of people about my age and someone began to pray. In truth, I would have rather not been there at all, as I recall wishing that I was been back home watching TV or playing around on the computer. Regardless of how I felt, God’s desire for me became much stronger and I began to fervently pray, asking Jesus to come into my life and make me whole. (At the time I had no idea how wonderfully my life would change after this night.) It’s hard to explain the intensity that occurs when God speaks to someone, but the first time was enough to cause me to both cry and laugh for over an hour. Since that time I have grown in my faith and in my relationship with the living God. I now realize that I am a “member of Christ’s body” (Ephesians 5:30) and that I am a “fellow citizen” with the rest of God’s family (Ephesians 2:19). I had never felt like I fit into the world that we live in and plenty of times growing up my mother would find me crying in my room because I did not feel like I was in the right place. She would always comfortingly say, “We are aliens and strangers to this world that we temporarily live in.” Later on I marveled at her quote of scripture from 1 Peter 2:11. The world will never completely satisfy, nothing in it ever will, only God fully satisfies and we will only be made complete when we are living in God’s presence. As I grew, this knowledge became ingrained in me and I knew that I had been bought by a price (Jesus’ blood); I was not my own and I belonged totally to God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Galatians 2:20 tells us that if we believe in Christ Jesus, that He lived, died for our sins and was raised from the dead, then we have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer ourselves who live, but Christ living in us and the life which we are now living is Christ’s life.

Ever since I first read Proverbs 31 I desired to be a woman of noble character, selfless, righteous and follower of Christ. Some of the most beautiful women I have ever known have been women who may not have been exceptionally beautiful by the world’s standards on the outside, but their faces and actions shone with God's grace and truth. They were women of noble character and I want to be like them. For the first time, this was not something I could fake my way through. Their shining light was something real and I longed to be exactly like them. Though I later realized that it is really Jesus that I long to live and seek after, because that’s what these women had done. Therefore the biggest compliment I think I have ever received has been from my friend David who not only told me that I had that same way of reflecting God’s grace and truth that I so admired, but also that I was, “most certainly a woman of noble character.” This compliment confirmed to me that in Christ was where I now placed my identity. I have always desired to be a proclaimer of the Gospel both in action and in speech and to be a real person in this fake world that we live in. “You are a blessing to everyone you meet whether you know it or not,” my friend David once told me.

In all truth, I try hard to place myself entirely out of circumstances around me and just let the Lord lead me and guide me. The Bible never tells us that a personal relationship with God is going to be easy, but it does say that our walk will lead to only good. It’s a long hard journey but it has proven itself to be good one-hundred times over. Trusting that God’s will is always done in my life is not an easy process, and I do not claim to have perfected it yet as I still have a long way to go, but as “Christ himself is in me” (Colossians 1:27) I know that all things work according to them who love God. Placing my identity fully in Christ has been one of the most rewarding and prosperous things I have ever done in my life.

“Who are you?” the young man doing the interview had asked me, “Not who people see you as but who are you on the inside? Who do you say that you are?” Hardly missing a beat, I took a deep breath, looked into the camera and answered, “I am a beloved child of God, with whom He is well pleased and I am made complete in Christ.” My interviewer and the camera man both smiled at me as I answered, and the interview was over.

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1 All quoted or cited scripture can be found in the New King James Version or New International Version of the Holy Bible

I have a concern.

We must not give satan a foot hold in our lives. He has no place in the lives of Christians. I have friends, friends I always considered to be good strong Christians, but now the only talk out of their mouth is the devil's lies. Please be rooted in God's word and seeking Him daily. The devil tries to spread his lies through believers in this way. The words my friend speaks still sound okay at first, he uses scripture and talks about all the amazing things God is doing in him. But satan knows scripture too, if he used it against Jesus in the desert why on earth, would he not be using it against us? Its the same way he can use our prayers to God against us, though he has no right to them. We are children of God, and the devil knows who we are, but its very important that we know who we are in Christ. We are God's choosen people. We are set aside to do His will. We are God's children and heirs with Christ. Do you know this stuff? This needs to be written on your heart. (I will gladly give you specific verses if you'd like.)

God desires a personal relationship with us. It is through the blood of Jesus that this relationship is made possible. I am all too aware of how hard it is to keep 100% focused on our Lord and savior all the time. I have to sit through classes and do homework and deal with the world, just as we all do. But it is not an excuse. God has set us apart. We are aliens and strangers in this world that we temporarily live in. We have to be focused on Christ. Again, I will say, I know that it is not easy. I deal with it everyday. But just because I step into a class room does not mean that God waits outside the door for me when the hour is over. Just because I go into an office, for a meeting, does not mean that I leave God waiting in the car. Just because I go hang out with my friends does not mean that I leave God back in my room. We can not leave God anywhere. As Christians He lives inside us. Its like ignoring hunger. If you go without food for long enough you grow immune to the raw pain... but the pain is still there none the less, we just learn to ignore it. Do NOT ignore God. Do NOT let satan slip into your life. You better have every window and door shut and locked to him and you better be prepared to fight him when he starts to break in. He has no right to your or your life and God has given you total authority over the devil.

You have Victory in Christ Jesus. Do you realize this!?

Everything you read. Everything you watch. Everything you hear and see. You better be backing it up with scripture and guarding yourself. The devil slips in when you're least prepared and least attentive. Every person you meet. Every class you attend. Every road sign you pass. You better be asking God what His will for your life is and not responding with your flesh. Do not give the devil a foot hold in your life. Be constantly on guard. I heard it once say that the weakest times of your life, when satan is most likely to attack are when you are tired, hungry, bored and/or too busy. You need to rest in the Lord, eat of His word every day, occupy yourself in dilligent prayer and be making time for Him. We should be in constant prayer (not only because there are too many things to be praying about but also because we must be n guard against the enemy.) Pay attention. Be attentive. If something doesn't sit right with you (in any form, whether a conversation, reading material, movie, TV, ect..) you need to be paying attention to what God is saying. He is speaking to you all the time. Please be listening and be ready and perpared to fight. This is your very life we talk about. Do not let your life be mixed with lies... one lie spreads like disease and will multiply and affect everything and everyone you come in contact with. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good.

"You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with You the wicked can not dwell." - Psalm 5:4 (NIV)
"So, be subject to God, resist the devil (stand firm against him), and he will flee from you." - James 4:7 (AMP)

"Next, the soul's eyes must be kept on God, particularly when something is being done in the outside world. Since much time and effort are needed to perfect this practice, one should not be discouraged by failure. Although the habit is difficult to form, it is a source of divine pleasure once it is learned... However, remeber to keep your mind from wandering or returning to the world. Hold your attention on God alone by exercising your will to remain in His presence... [in this way] the sooul could be said to approach God, in that it can almost say, 'I no longer believe, but I see and experience.'"

- Brother Lawrence, the practice of the presence of GOD

Let us journey to the point where we can truely say, "I no longer just believe, but I see and experience the living God."

Thus says the LORD:

Stand by the road and look;

and ASK for the eternal paths, where the good, old way is;

Then walk in it,

and you will find rest for your souls...

- Jeremiah 6:16 (AMP)

Today, I went to get my results from a College Student Inventory test a few weeks ago. The lady said I needed to make a firm commitment to finish college because I scored only 1 percent out of 100 in the "desires to finish college" category. She seemed concerned with that and wanted me to go see a career counselor on campus. The lady also said I had social issues. Apparently, I scored 6 precent out of 100 in the Sociability catagory. "Low sociability has the advantages of leaving lots of time for studying. But it also may lead to lonliness, depression and dissatisfaction with college life, which could hurt your grades. Try to establsh some friendships at college, and spend time with your friends each day."
Then she told me I should go see a personal counselor.

CRY ALOUD, spare not. Lift up your voice like a trumpet and declare to My people their transgression and to the house of Jacob their sins! Yet they seek, inquire for, and require Me daily and delight [externally] to know My ways, as [if they were in reality] a nation that did righteousness and forsook not the ordinance of their God. They ask of Me righteous judgments, they delight to draw near to God [in visible ways].
Why have we fasted, they say, and You do not see it? Why have we afflicted ourselves, and You take no knowledge [of it]? Behold [O Israel], on the day of your fast [when you should be grieving for your sins], you find profit in your business, and [instead of stopping all work, as the law implies you and your workmen should do] you extort from your hired servants a full amount of labor. [The facts are that] you fast only for strife and debate and to smite with the fist of wickedness. Fasting as you do today will not cause your voice to be heard on high. Is such a fast as yours what I have chosen, a day for a man to humble himself with sorrow in his soul? [Is true fasting merely mechanical?] Is it only to bow down his head like a bulrush and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him [to indicate a condition of heart that he does not have]? Will you call this a fast and an acceptable day to the Lord?
[Rather] is not this the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every [enslaving] yoke? Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house--when you see the naked, that you cover him, and that you hide not yourself from [the needs of] your own flesh and blood?
Then shall your light break forth like the morning, and your healing (your restoration and the power of a new life) shall spring forth speedily; your righteousness (your rightness, your justice, and your right relationship with God) shall go before you [conducting you to peace and prosperity], and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say, "Here I am." If you take away from your midst yokes of oppression [wherever you find them], the finger pointed in scorn [toward the oppressed or the godly], and every form of false, harsh, unjust, and wicked speaking, And if you pour out that with which you sustain your own life for the hungry and satisfy the need of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in darkness, and your obscurity and gloom become like the noonday. And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought and in dry places and make strong your bones. And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water whose waters fail not. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of [buildings that have laid waste for] many generations; and you shall be called Repairer of the Breach, Restorer of Streets to Dwell In. If you turn away your foot from [traveling unduly on] the Sabbath, from doing your own pleasure on My holy day, and call the Sabbath a [spiritual] delight, the holy day of the Lord honorable, and honor Him and it, not going your own way or seeking or finding your own pleasure or speaking with your own [idle] words, Then will you delight yourself in the Lord, and I will make you to ride on the high places of the earth, and I will feed you with the heritage [promised for you] of Jacob your father; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken it.

Isaiah 58 (AMP)

There's a squirrel that lives on the island in the middle of the lake on our campus. I don't know how it got there. I think its all alone. But it looks content. It looks happy... but apperances can be decieving. It has food and plenty of water. I don't think the ducks hassel it at all... but I am pretty sure it is the only squirrel on the island. I was watching it today, wondering if its ever been off the island. Assuming that it has not, I wish I could take it off the island, and show it the world. That would knock its little squirrel socks off.

I feel like people are like this little squirrel on the island. I live on an island and God longs to take me off of it and show me who He is and the fuller life that He has created for me. But I'm "happy" on my island. I'm comfortable. I know every rock and tree... and though my island is small, I am "happy." But lately, I have started to look out past my island border.... and lo! There's soemthing in the distance across the water. I'm not really sure what it is,or what's over there but I've become interested in that other shore and I know that it is good.

We can not keep putting God into a box. No, I take that back. God is not in a box and has never been in a box. We are the ones stuck in a box, or on an island, in this case. And only by asking the Lord to bring a boat, rescue us and take us to the main land will we ever be completely free. But God's boat can sometimes be slow to arriving... not that God answers slowly.. but its a long way from the shore to the island and we need to be committed to waiting for Him to arrive.
It will arrive.

How committed are we to getting off our own little comfortable island to a fuller life? How committed are we to getting out of this box we keeep ourselves in to be totally caught up in the Lord's loving arms?

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry." - Psalm 34:15

"A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure." - Proverbs 16:9 (AMP)

Its true! We (I) do a lot of my own planning... but in the end it is God's will where I end up and what occurs in my life. I can have all the hopes and dreams in the world, but the Lord will determine my steps and He will make my steps sure and good and right. And I have big wishes (not by the world's standards but by spiritual ones.) I find myself constantly needing to remind myself that yes, in my heart I do plan my course, but it is God that will direct me in my steps.

"fret not yourself--it tends only to evildoing." - Psalm 37:8b (AMP)
"do not fret--it leads only to evil." - Psalm 37:8b (NIV)

Why do we (I) worry about my future? Obviously, fretting leads to eveil doing... something I'm not really interested in being a part of. Verse 7 says, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret..." We are supposed to wait for God's direction and His timing. How many time in life have I asked God... but not waited for an answer and thus rushed into something that was not in God's plan for me? Far too many...

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday." - Psalm 37:4-6 (AMP)
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD ; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn..." - Psalm 37:4-6 (NIV)

IF we (I) delight myself in the Lord, THEN He will give me the desires of my heart even the ones that are completely secret. IF I commit my ways to the Lord and trust in Him, rely on Him and am confident in Him; THEN He will make my righteousness shine like the dawn. He promises to do these things if first we delight and trust in Him. He promises us the desires of our heart and to make us shine like the dawn! Doesn't that sound delightful? These are the things I wish to dwell upon.

If we trust in and delight in the Lord and do not worry then He will determine our steps, our ways will not be evil, He will give us all of the desires of our hearts and will make us shine like the dawn.

God is good. Very good.

I have a cool paper in English due next Thursday... Its about my identity. That should be interesting! My first thought was from the end of summer, when Paul went to a lot of people of staff asking them who they are. So that would make a good entrance to my paper... and as far as brainstorming in class today, everyone had external identity things.. and honestly, I only had 2 that I put even the slightest weight with. Everyone talked about hair and clothes... not I! Praise Jesus, I don't place my identity in silly things like that. And I wish I even put less weight on external things than I already do. There was a period of time I wished I was blind to what our world held dear. Apperance. I thank God that my priorities have changed though! A quote I like.. and its sad that I can not recall who said it is this: "A beautiful girl should break her mirror early." Isn't that true? And the Bible also has plenty to say on apperance, particularly for women. Andrea and I have a home-made sign in our bathroom portraying the 1 Peter verse about women and finding great worth in God's sight because that was how great women of the past made themselves beautiful. Some of the most beautiful women I have ever known have been women who may not have been exceptionally beautiful by world standards on the outside, but their faces and actions shone with God's grace and truth. I want to be like that.

"Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God. For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves..." - 1 Peter 3:3-5 (AMP)

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful..." - 1 Peter 3:3-5 (NIV)

Lord, I don't know what your plan is for my life yet. But I trust you. I know you provide. Its true what they say about the birds of the field and how you care about them... Who else cares enough to make the geese fly south in the winter? Who gives them food to eat and wings to fly but you, Lord? I don't know what you want for my life... but if you contine to give me wings to get to where I need to be, I'll fly there... and I know the wind will be with me, because You love me. Lord, I want to follow You. I long to be doing your will always. Lead me and direct me. No one can give me advice on my future but You. I know it will be good if I follow You, God. You have given me inumerable options of where to go for school next year and what to do this summer, and I thank you! You are good! Lord, if you want me to move to Fresno, I'll need $28,000 dollars for school at Fresno Pacific. You are the the most amazing provider. I trust you. Lord, if this is your will, I know that I will get the money for school. You are my Father and You are the King.. You have money enough to send me to school for enternity! My heart is only to serve You, Father. Provide a miracle of money for me if it is Your will. I trust You with my life. I know You won't fail me. Show me where You want me to go and I will be there and I will be trusting you to provide! Lord, thank You for caring for the geese.... I like them. Amen.

"[Let your] love be sincere (a real thing); hate what is evil [loathe all ungodliness, turn in horror from wickedness], but hold fast to that which is good. Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another. Never lag in zeal and in earnest endeavor; be aglow and burning with the Spirit, serving the Lord. Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of God's people [sharing in the necessities of the saints]; pursue the practice of hospitality. Bless those who persecute you [who are cruel in their attitude toward you]; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others' joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others' grief]. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits. Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [aiming to be above reproach] in the sight of everyone. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God's] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good."

Romans 12 :9-21 (AMP)

Andrea and I felt led by God not to go anywhere this weekend... so you know what we did instead? We walked down town, with our Bibles, brought some crackers and such with us and went to talk to homeless people. We saw some! We'd smile at them but most wouldn't make eye contact or want to have a conversation, so we'd move on.

We were getting to about as far as we would go... maybe a mile down, by the river and we passed this guy who said hello and was really friendly... but we passed him! We said hello, but neither of us could think of anything to say! It was terrible! So we went a short way, Andrea took some pictures for her photography class and then we turned with built up confidence and went back to talk to him. He asked us right off what she was taking pictures for.. we made a bit of small talk and then during a lull, I asked, him "if you died tonight, what do you think would happen to you?" he made a little laugh and asked me what would happen to me. I told him with a confident smile that I would be in Heaven. He argued my knowledge of such a thing for a bit and contridicted himself, thinking that I was surely a good person and I would be going to Heaven... but then said that we could only get to heaven by works... He said he woke up each morning and said he wasn't going to do anything bad that day and that would get him into heaven. But he said we were both very nice young women, full of life, and commented particularly on my joy and light. Andrea didn't say much (she later explained that she couldn't understand a single word he said... he had a bit of an accent. but the only trouble I had was the noise from passing cars and his occasionally softer speaking.) He said that it was impossible for people to love anyone but themselves. I told him that I would take a bullet for any member of my family or friends without a second thought... and while he pondered that and actually looked impressed by it, I thought, "I would take a bullet for this guy, if only so that he would know Jesus' love and the joy that comes through a relationship with Him."

It was sad, and at one point I almost thought I might cry when he explained that when he got to Heaven Jesus "with His big wings a halo" would welcome this guy in because he did good things. And I got this very vivid picture of Jesus telling this man, "I never knew you," and our new friend would beg, "But I did good things! I tried hard!" and Jesus would say, "No.. you heard about me once, remember those two girls in the park, by the river? But you did not believe them." and then the thought went black. Gosh, I wish it was easier for people to believe. Jesus loves them so much its hard to watch them deny Him... but so good to be out working for the Kingdom.

Please pray for this man, His name is Andrew... He needs Jesus.