"On either side of the river lie, long rows of barley and of rye, that clothe the world and meet the sky, and through the field the road run by to many towered Camelot...." - Lord Alfred Tennyson's, The Lady of Shalott.
We need to pray.
I don 't care how tired you are. If you pray things will get better. You can't depend on other people all the time. Don't take the chance that your friends, family, pastor and whoever else haven't prayed enough. You know what you need more than anyone else. Even if you tell someone exactly what you're going through, they will only begin to understand. Other prayers are powerful and help, but you need to help yourself. Be honest with me, please... are you praying? Are you listening? Are you reading the Bible? The word is our sword. (Right now, I feel like I'm carrying around a plastic butter knife... not going to do a lot of fighting in the spiritual realm.) This goes for all of us... we need to be encouraging eachother. We need to be praying for eachother. I know we're all far away but we need to be praying for eachother. We need to be seeking God with all our hearts. It will seem hard and fruitless at first but God is listening to the voices of His people... We won't always be able to do this, friends... we need to and must do it while we can. Wednesday night from 9:00-10:00 I will be praying. Please, if you are free set aside that hour to pray with me. (If you're working, pray for the hour after you get off...or if Wednesday night is just not good, sometime in the day is fine... or whatever day really... as long as you sit and pray for an hour this week.) Go somewhere quiet where you won't be inturupted. Go somewhere where you won't be distracted or tempted to sleep. Write your prayers out if they help (that helps me) write out questions and let your mind wonder with the Spirit's leading. We need to be prayer warriors. God has really been laying this on my heart and I urge everyone to seek Him more. Don't settle for less... don't be complacent. I wish I could express the urgancy I feel about this...(Don't worry, I won't be checking up on you or anything... I trust you) Let's just do it a few times and see what happens, okay?
Today would have been Ryan Fury's 20th birthday. Happy Birthday, Ryan!
Alex and Ryan (Flanny's brothers) came over to visit today... Ryan attempted to put music on my blog... Can you hear it? I can't hear it... but I trust that he did it well. Let me know if you hear it! If you can tell me what song it is... I'll bake you cookies! (but not if your name is Ryan... because that would be cheating!)
Its funny how our minds are like little gardens... every thought gets planted and some seeds are duds and aren't thought of again and unfortunately I feel like for most people the religious seeds end up being duds, or they don't get burried deep enough or something. For me I find I have some duds... usually those are school seeds. (hehe) Religious seeds get planted as well (which is good) only its funny how they're seasonal... or maybe I don't water them nearly as much as I should... I feel like these take special care. Then there are bad seeds. Hate, anger, pride, lust, fear, doubt, self pitty, ect... I feel like lately people have been walking by my garden and think, "Oh look, a garden, lets toss in some seeds! heh heh heh!" So they do. They toss in seeds of doubt. Some of them I tried to catch before they fall into the soil.. have you ever tried to catch a single seed when someone throws it? Not an easy task and I'm afraid I've lost several of the seeds in a mix of dirt. There's two I can't quite get, which is strange because they're big ones. Things people have NO right throwing in my garden. I find that the bad seeds seem to take root faster than other seeds as well... some are like parasites, choking and living off the good seeds until the good seeds die. How on earth can I get these two doubt seeds out of my garden? Why are people mean and careless with their own seeds? I've been asking Jesus to get them out because I don't want them. I rebuked them... But they've turned into seeds of saddness. I don't want that either! I rebuked them and felt a bit better... And I know that the only way seeds like this will replant themselves is if I plant them myself in self pity or pride, because they are out of my garden and my life, Jesus, Himself has removed them... I think I'm more sad now because people had an abundance of doubt and sadness seeds to throw into my garden. It is a sad thing.
"And the Lord answered, If you had faith (trust and confidence in God) even [so small] like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, Be pulled up by the roots, and be planted in the sea, and it would obey you." - Luke 17:6 (AMP)
Yes, friends! Its that time again!! Another fact of life direct from me to you! This one mayin fact, be the most important thing you ever learn... be sure to take heed and follow these instructions carefully....
Tonight I sat at my computer. Doing a bit of evening IM chatting and attempting some math homework (my teacher is a crazy nut, but that's another story all together) when Flan gets out of her chair and says, "Well, lets give it a try." I glanced up and went back to my dilligent studies thinking nothing of it until about 7 seconds later when I hear, "Uh-oh!" and I look up into the window's reflection to see Flan behind me pull soemthing from the microwave... "Oh gosh it smells like firework!" "What'd you do?" "Pencil!" she squeaked through laughter, "it smells!" she walked over to me and approximately 3 seconds later I said "Oh! ick!! Burned rubber!!!" We quickly closed the door to the hall (like we want people everywhere to know we put a pencil in the microwave!) Then we flung open the window... then I tied a bandana around my nose and mouth... then we turned on the small fan in the bathroom... then we turned on the AC (so now my allergies will be upset again too... not to mention cold... brr!) 15 minutes later our room continues to smell of burnt rubber.
Word of advice: Never put a pencil in the microwave.
Note to self: Never let Flan near the microwave again.
Gosh I wish I had a Bible verse for this one! How about...."Then you shall take them [different types of bread] from their hands, add them to the burnt offering, and burn them on the altar for a sweet and satisfying fragrance before the Lord; it is an offering made by fire to the Lord." - Exodus 29:25 (AMP)
Here's a bit of food for thought... Its a joke, of course... but it made me happy!
There is a very rich man. He is told that when he dies he can take one suitcase with him to Heaven, filled with anything he'd like... (please note: we can't take anything with us to Heaven.) After carefully deciding what to pack in his suitcase for Heaven (one again, please note: you can not bring anything with you to Heaven) the man dies. When he arrives at the "pearly gates" Saint Peter stops the man and says, "what's in your suit case?" The man smiles proudly and opens his suit case to reveal that his case is full of shinning bars of gold. Saint Peter just stares at the bars of gold for a moment before looking back to the man and asking, "Why did you bring pavement?"
"But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth, nor rust, nor worm consume and destory, and where thieves do not break through and steal; For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." ~ Matthew 6:20-21
"Trust, lean on, rely on, and be confident in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:3-4
I am safely home.. were you worried? Nope! But I will tell you this, at one point it began to rain.. then it rained harder... then is started to hail and snow... and I thought, "Wow... God made this storm.. its a powerful storm..." and I was suddenly almost frightened by the power of the storm and the fact that we were driving though it... But you know what happened? God, sensing my fear told me very directly, "I have power to make this storm, and I have the power to rescue you from it." and I was filled with peace and awe. Isn't that a lovely story?
The wedding was very nice... its odd, however to think that we drive a total of 11 and a half hour this weekend for a 20 minute ceremony and 1 and a half reception. An interesting thought. I don't like fuss... fuss of any kind. I think a huge pet-pieve of mine is when small things that don't need any worry or planning at all end up being all worried and fussed over and so much planning that it loses all of its fun. Yea.. I'm not a fan of "fuss."
And now back to school... and its cold outside (44 degrees!) eep! I'll be a Steph-scicle! Ack! Actually... I think I'll be the most amused when the ramps freeze over with ice and I slip and slide everywhere and make a complete fool of myself, very much like I ended up doing last Friday when I randomly tripped on the stairs and straight fell (no joke) flat on the pavement...(please note: I'm not hurt at all... just humble) Would you be horrified? One would think so... but not I! I jumped up quick as a bug and just attempted to hold back giggling at myself as I continued onto my next class, with a huge foolish smile on my face... Honestly, Steph Garver, will you never learn to walk in God's confidence and not your own? One doesn't see God tripping and falling all over Himself in front of a ton of college students.. Goodness!
I have something I must say. An announcemt if you will... ahem ahem... All this time...I have been a silly girl. Why, you ask? [insert "why" here.] Well, let me tell you. For a long while now... I have thought that there was a little town half way between Oakhurst and Fresno, Califorina called Wild Pea. And I would talk with great fondness about Wild Pea... "Oh, what a cute name for a town! I want to live in Wild Pea." Now... no one chose to correct me. But you see.. there is in fact a little town between Oakhurst and Fresno! It is not called Wild Pea, however...It is, in fact, called YLP (Yosemite Lakes Park.) Not Wild Pea at all. Don't be confused. This was just a friendly service announcement. Stay tuned for more helpful hints about the world! That's right... only here on this blog! (vailable for a limited time only)
I would like to thank the following people for making this post possible:
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
The Lord gave this to me today:
I find it easy to see where Biblical people fall short or fail... or where they did something good and pleasing. We have their entire story and often even what God and other people think of them. Its easy to say to Biblical folk, "Why won't you wait? Why won't you trust God? Why do you fear and doubt after all God's done for you? If only you'd have waited a short while more God would have delivered you." Life is not so easy for us. God see's all of the past, presant and future, we see only a few fuzzy moments in time. Our Lord sees how things knit together (after all He's the one with the knitting needles doing all of the work) We can't see even the full ball of yarn. We see only a piece of our own little stitch, if even that! I find that I doubt easily. Doubt that deliverance is coming. Forget to ask, wait and trust on the Lord. I lose focus so easily. I forget that God will deliver me! Its said that a goldfish has the memory of approximately 3 seconds. Well, so do I. How many times in the Old Testiment did God deliver His people and do miracles and in the very next chapter, or even verse His people have forgotten Him? How many times has God's hand moved to bless us and we forget to thank Him or don't notice the blessing at all... or if we've noticed lose hope the very next day/hour/minute? How often do we forget who GOD is? Do we even know at all? If we did, would we still forget? I look forward to the day when I won't have to forget at all!
We have to remember who Jesus is and not who we are and always keep in mind His power and mercy. Its a hard thing to do... but we can not have an intimate relationship with Him and dwell in Him in couples or groups. The Christian walk can be found only in fellowship alone with Jesus. No one is going to do my walk for me. No one is going to do your walk for you. But I'm starting to see that only in this relationship with Jesus can we experience peace in the midst of the storm that is life! Isaiah 26 says that the Lord will "give him perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon me, because He trusts me."
God wants so much more for us than we can ever begin to imagine. And he's willing to give it to us if we are willing to give him our lives in exchange. So, every day, I keep asking myself, "Just how willing are you, Stephanie to give everything to Jesus so He can make you new?" and I always say, "I am so very willing... Jesus show me what to do first!" And because perfect unity with Him is - of course - in His will, He will show us each step at its proper time (according to His time, naturally).. because if He told us all the steps at once we would not be trusting Him to be who who says He is. That's faith.
So, I encourage you, dear reader, to wait and hold onto the Lord's perfect promises!
Tonight, and most of the afternoon as well, Andrea and I sat in our room. Around 7:00, I became overly bored and expressed my wish that we had someone that we could ahng oout with on occasion... and she agreed with me. We then talked of different ministry tactics. Should we change how we dress? (Absolutely not) Should we attempt to do hair and make-up in the morning? (Honestly, other than attracting people for the wrong reasons, no.) Keeping our door open to the hall sure doesn't seem to be doing the trick.. even offering people freshly picked Calvin Crest apples... Of course an open door and apples may be a start but they're not going to draw people to Christ. We're here, we may as well accept it and I may as well stop complaining. Its not going to make things better and its keeping me from being positive. Therefore, God is doing good things through me while I'm here... I'm here for refining, not to make friends... but friends will happen along the way. As they did tonight. Some guys down the hall came by and I and I asked if they wanted to play cards with us a little later. They looked happy for an escape from homework and accepted! And so we played cards in our lounge! God heard our cry for people to hang out with! And these guys will see Christ through us. Thank you for your prayers... my next posts should be more substantial than these last few "whinny" ones. Sorry about that... but like my good friends Joshua David says, "it's a good thing to have a 'not happy' post every now and then because you're not always happy."
Today has not been a good day for me. Its started out well enough, had soem time between class to pray.. then some things happened and my day turned sad and confused and upset... then I came back to my room and was just really not feeling very well physically either. I have a headache and I feel like I could throw up. I went to a college girls Bible study held by the church this evening after dinner with Javier and that was really good. I do look forward to that. Gosh, I'm not feeling well in multiple ways right now. I feel like it was just a rather joyless sick day... no good. But God is still teaching me things, its just hard waiting for the answers right now.
I forget so often... I find it hard to remember how much bigger God's plan is compared to mine. At evening service tonight four return summer missionaries talked about their expericnes in Mexico, Brazil, China and Kenya. Mainly they spoke on the simplicity of the cultures they lived and worked with. And yes, those who know me know I'm not super materialistic and could care less about money and "stuff" and am almost constantly trying to get rid of "stuff." But that's not really what touched me most (though I was convicted of one thing). What most moved me was the reminder that God is everywhere, not just in the United States. (Duh, Stephanie.) And along with this reminder came another conviction... I've been sitting here all weekend not only wishing I was somewhere else completely but trying to plan out my life without asking God for permission. (Honestly, and you wonder why you were getting no where, Stephanie?) For a long time I've been asking God for guidance... but I made little time this weekend for Him and I'm paying for that now, of course. My advice to those in reader land (by the way, is anyone out there?! No one's commented in the last few weeks...I feel like I've scared everyone off with talk of Jesus... um.. HELLO!?) is this: Spend time with Jesus and listen to Him every day. Sacrifice an hour of your time... He sacrificed His entire life for you.
"When I consider Your heavens, the works of Your fingers, the moon and stars which You have set into place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" - Psalm 8:3-4
How good our God is! How gracious and loving. His emotion and passion is awesome (to be feared) He is never weary, ever grows faint and His plan is full of satisfying promise. He promises to credit us as ritgheous is we "hope, believe, never weaken in our faith, do not waver, are strengthened in our faith, give all glory to God and are fully pursuaded that God has the power to do what He has promised. Then God will credit ritgheousness for those who believe in God, who raised Jesus from the dead... Jesus, the Christ, who was delievered to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." (my paraphrase of Romans 4:18-25)
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have Peace With God through our Lord Jesus Christ!" - Romans 5:1
I find it a sad thing when people don't realized how much God LOVES them. I guess I never had trouble understanding that, or accepting the Bible as truth for that matter... But when people think that they have to do something to attain God's LOVE... that if they do something wrong they've lost His perfect LOVE, that's not at all true! People tend to forget that God's LOVE is unconditional. Nothing we can say or do will make God LOVE us any more or any less. He LOVES everything about us. We are created in His image, we are His reflexion. How could He not LOVE something He created so perfectly? Yes we have flaws and sins and we do not often love God in return.... But He is always seeking us and trying to show us His LOVE. ( That's perfect grace right there.) He has the perfect plan for us! He wants to see us happy. He wants to see us following Him. He wants to shower His LOVE onto us. In fact, He is, right at this very moment, showering LOVE on us! On me, on you, on us! He's saying, "Hey, my beLOVEd child, whom I created and am well pleased with, I LOVE YOU!" Yes, it makes me very sad when people think they have to earn God's LOVE or that He doesn't LOVE them anymore -- that is simply not true -- because He does LOVE them.... He LOVES us very much. He LOVES you very much.
"Dearest friends [beloved], let us love one another, for love is (springs) from God... God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest (displayed) where we are concerned: in that God sent His Son, the only begotten or unique [Son], into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love: not that we loved God but that He loved us as and sent His Son to be the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins.. Dear friends [beloved], since God loved us so [very much], we also ought to love one another... But if we love one another, God abides (lives and remains) in us and His love (that which is essentially His) is brought to completion (to its full maturity, runs its full course, is perfected) in us!" - 1 John 4:7-12 (amplified version)
I am beginning to see what it means to fear the Lord. It does not mean that I should be afraid to come to Him or afraid of who He is. Its not like fearing the dark, or the unknown, or sickness, or strangers. "To fear God is to understand who He is and to respect Him. If we fear anything or anyone else, it proves we do not trust God to be who He says He is,"writes Sandra Querin, in her book The Prayer of Job. Psalms 2:11 says to "Serve the Lord with fear and rejoicing with trembling." How many times in does the psalmist say that we should fear God? How many times have I not shown Him the reverance or fear He deserves. If the Bible says it, its true. Thus if it gives the command to "fear the Lord" we should be fearing. (I never liked the idea of fearing God before... but I'm beginning to take comfort in Him completely.) My prayer is that I not only begin to understand the awe, reverance and fear of God but that I'd also come to actually fear our Lord who created the Heavens and the Earth. Please understand that God also does not call us to live in fear either, He calls us to respect Him. Because the psalmist also says in psalms 121:2, "My help comes from the Maker of heaven and earth." And in Psalm 91 God tells us that we do not need to fear anything if we love Him because He will protect us and keep us safe. Take comfort and draw strength from our Father in Heaven. He hears the prayers of those who seek to know Him.
"Blessed are all who take refuge in Him." (psalm 2:12)
I was wondering today... and I know you'd agree with me on this: God is all we need. He said that He sustains us. Agreed? Well, then I don't need anything but Him! Right? Right! So will I ever get enough of Him? He does say that He satisfies... but I also know that I could never get enough of Him, even if I spent every waking moment with Him... I would always want more! And what a good thing to want more of, huh? I do look forward to what God is doing... and to what He will do! I am so very excited! When I know, I'll know... it'll be good. And its good to want Him over everything else in life. Its a good place to be... because He will reveal Himself. If you call on His name and your request is in His will, it will come to pass... and how could your being in perfect unison with Him not be in His will? He'll go at any length to have fellowship with us, especially if thats what we're crying for. Isn't that a nice thought? Kind of scary... Especially when you think of Job. God went to every length and pulled out all the stops to get to Jobs heart... That's what God wants after all, Our Hearts.... but its good to trust God, especially to know that He will move you to be right where He wants you. I take comfort in that. God will satisfy. Yay, Jesus, Yay!
My weekend went well. It wasn't quite what I was expecting, by any means. But it went well. Car trips with Flan are amazing. Praise Jesus for Flanny!I had a lot of time with Jesus and He told me many things.... it was good. I'd do it again just to hear Jesus keep speaking to me. But He will, especially now that I'm back at school... though my weekend was really, just what I wanted it to be... a Spiritual and mental retreat. Though by far it was more spiritual... I also got to hang out with David, Jonathan, Paul, Shawna and the rest... I miss them already... Soon... we'll see where God wants me when I'm less emotional - That's quite the change from my last post, isn't it? My last post was confused... I am not non-emotional as I thought I was before... I am just not sensative to much right now... and Praise Jesus for that, because if I was I'd be an emotional wreck. Well, my long awaited Math homework calls... time to "put the 'stud' in studying!"
I was realizing tonight that I talk a lot about how sensative I am. And though that may have been true in the not-to-distance past, I am not so sensative anymore.... which is both good and bad. I know that not long ago, and those of you who know me well would probably agree, I would cry at the slightest thing or get my feelings very hurt easily. This new change in attitude could be any number of things... It may be that my new environment causes me to be more hardened toward emotion because this culture is basically emotion-free. It could also be that a few months ago I dimmly recall myself asking God that I not be so emotional. Of course anyone who knows me well would say that I count compassion as one of my spiritual gifts... but I also don't enjoy having my feelings so often damaged over little or imagined things.
Now, why all this concern over being emotional, you ask. Well, when it comes to worship I feel dry and emotionless. I delt with this before, not too long ago actually; feeling nothing while singing, not even feeling a desire to sing because the words were meaningless to me... why say things I'm not really feeling, agreeing with, or promising? My good friend Jonathan said once that the only time he ever feels any kind of emotion is when he's talking about Jesus, to Jesus, or for Jesus. Any other circumstance and he won't get emotional. Part of me really admires that. Part of me wants that! And the part of me that has recently suceeded in that, so far, is very distant from God. Though that may be good for Jonathan, and it is in his ministry, and though its good for me as far as relating to people who think logically and not with their hearts, I rather miss my emotional side. The side that was sensative to peoples needs, wants and hurts and more importantly sensative to God's soft calling. Heaven knows I worried any number of people durring prayer when I would just start "randomly" crying... Oh, I miss those days. But I am so BLESSED to be able to experience this season at all!
I'll have to pray about it and see what God says about this emotional winter.
I'm leaving for Oakhurst tomorrow with Flan. We'll be back on Monday. Call me if you are in need of my long-distant services.
