I can't go anywhere without being hit on by someone! I'd forgotten that strange feeling being awayfor so long with such gentle chivilrous people (like Phillip! He's totally into Chivilary!) So.... I walk into Rite Aide, down the street from my house to drop off some film yesterday. I drop off my film and realize its been a long time since I've been in a Rite aide, so I decide to wander around for a little while before going home again. So, as I walk I see this black guy and I give him a little half smile... He looked completely taken off guard that I smiled at him.. at least that was my thought at the time... Well, I kept wandering and kept seeing him down the iles of the store... At which point I start heading toward the door but I didn't get very far before he pops out and says, "We just keep running into eachother, don't we?" Now, what I should have said was, "Oh, do we, I hadn't noticed?" But I didn't... I laughed and said, "Yea.. we sure do.." I tried to escape again when he said, "What's your name?" I told him and he told me his name.. He then asked if I lived around here... I told him that I did not, and I was just visiting. He asked where I was from and I immediately thought of Bryan Cosby... a wonderful man who talks to people in stores, finds out their life stories and shares Christ with them... so I responded with, "I work at a Christian camp in California." I started to walk away agin when he said, "You got a number?" and I said, "No... we don't really have a phone.. I live on a mountain." he looked confused and said, "But you have to have some kind of phone." and I said, "Yea, but I live far away, so.." and he said, "It's okay, I travel a lot. I'm a producer for [insert whatever record company you want here.. because what he told me meant squat as far as I'm concerned.]" Then he asked if I knew of JZ... misunderstanding him and thinking he said JC.. I laughed and said, "JC? Jesus Christ?" he didn't look amused and I told him I'd never heard of JZ... then he asked me if I knew of Bianace. I did not know of her either... had he bothered to ask what kind of music I liked he'd know I would have had no idea what he was talking about... shortly after that he got distracted by something and I ran out of the store to which he caught up with me just as I was getting into my car. I told him "Sorry" and drove off. Weirdo. Yep.

I went with Chelsea and my Mom for lunch and it was fun.. I got to spend the whole afternoon with my Chelsea.. I felt bad because a lot of the day was me running erands and he just coming with me. As the day got dark, we called Kerry to find out what was up. and then Brittany called... so, I took Tony and Chelsea with me to go pick up Brittany... but we stopped for gas first... and I felt weird getting out and walking into the gas station alone.. so I took Chelsea with me into the store. One the way in I heard something a long the lines of, "Hey, check out those (or that) girl (s)" after paying, we walked back to the truck and I this car pulls up along side my truck. These two black guys stick their heads out (and for a moment, I thought it was the same guy from Rite Aide and I started innerly freaking out. As they yelled at me, I attempted to fill up my truck with gas as Chelsea stood beside me, looking up to me with wide eyes... and Tony sat silently in the truck. "Hey, Baby.. Hey Baby.. that your husband's truck, babe? Why won't you look at us, gorgeous? Hey, baby.. your truck is black.. your shirts black... black's in style this year. Baby, what's up, baby?" that's basicially it before they realized I wasn't going to respond and drove off. freaky people. Tony and Chelsea were amazed at the whole cirrcumstance... its not the first time its happened... and it happens more than I want (of course). Even in Oakhurst, I've had old men hit me and my friends have had to come usher me away... because I'm oblivious when people are hitting on me unless they're really straight forward about it.

Well, eventualyl we went iceskating... Kerry, Garrett, Bobby, Tony, Chelsea, Brittany, Brian Miller (yay Brian Miller!), his friend Joel and myself... and while there I saw my Javier! I love you, Javier Jamie Martin! You are one of my very favorites!! Yep! Then after dropping off all the other kids, I hung out with Garrett until way too late and now I'm super tired...

It was nice to be here and see some people... but I'm more than glad to be going home today... in fact, I can hardly wait to be on the road again.... to be able to sleep in my bed tonight... though I'll get in about 11:00... 11:30... I miss everyone... and unfortuantely, I haven't had all that much alone time to think about Community life and the people up there... so maybe I'll do that on the 9 hour car ride home, hmm? If any other Common Folk read this... I love you, I miss you and you mean the world to me... Jesus has blessed me like no other with you in my life. Thank you for all being so very wonderful.

I can't go anywhere without being hit on by someone! I'd forgotten that strange feeling being awayfor so long with such gentle chivilrous people (like Phillip! He's totally into Chivilary!) So.... I walk into Rite Aide, down the street from my house to drop off some film yesterday. I drop off my film and realize its been a long time since I've been in a Rite aide, so I decide to wander around for a little while before going home again. So, as I walk I see this black guy and I give him a little half smile... He looked completely taken off guard that I smiled at him.. at least that was my thought at the time... Well, I kept wandering and kept seeing him down the iles of the store... At which point I start heading toward the door but I didn't get very far before he pops out and says, "We just keep running into eachother, don't we?" Now, what I should have said was, "Oh, do we, I hadn't noticed?" But I didn't... I laughed and said, "Yea.. we sure do.." I tried to escape again when he said, "What's your name?" I told him and he told me his name.. He then asked if I lived around here... I told him that I did not, and I was just visiting. He asked where I was from and I immediately thought of Bryan Cosby... a wonderful man who talks to people in stores, finds out their life stories and shares Christ with them... so I responded with, "I work at a Christian camp in California." I started to walk away agin when he said, "You got a number?" and I said, "No... we don't really have a phone.. I live on a mountain." he looked confused and said, "But you have to have some kind of phone." and I said, "Yea, but I live far away, so.." and he said, "It's okay, I travel a lot. I'm a producer for [insert whatever record company you want here.. because what he told me meant squat as far as I'm concerned.]" Then he asked if I knew of JZ... misunderstanding him and thinking he said JC.. I laughed and said, "JC? Jesus Christ?" he didn't look amused and I told him I'd never heard of JZ... then he asked me if I knew of Bianace. I did not know of her either... had he bothered to ask what kind of music I liked he'd know I would have had no idea what he was talking about... shortly after that he got distracted by something and I ran out of the store to which he caught up with me just as I was getting into my car. I told him "Sorry" and drove off. Weirdo. Yep.

I went with Chelsea and my Mom for lunch and it was fun.. I got to spend the whole afternoon with my Chelsea.. I felt bad because a lot of the day was me running erands and he just coming with me. As the day got dark, we called Kerry to find out what was up. and then Brittany called... so, I took Tony and Chelsea with me to go pick up Brittany... but we stopped for gas first... and I felt weird getting out and walking into the gas station alone.. so I took Chelsea with me into the store. One the way in I heard something a long the lines of, "Hey, check out those (or that) girl (s)" after paying, we walked back to the truck and I this car pulls up along side my truck. These two black guys stick their heads out (and for a moment, I thought it was the same guy from Rite Aide and I started innerly freaking out. As they yelled at me, I attempted to fill up my truck with gas as Chelsea stood beside me, looking up to me with wide eyes... and Tony sat silently in the truck. "Hey, Baby.. Hey Baby.. that your husband's truck, babe? Why won't you look at us, gorgeous? Hey, baby.. your truck is black.. your shirts black... black's in style this year. Baby, what's up, baby?" that's basicially it before they realized I wasn't going to respond and drove off. freaky people. Tony and Chelsea were amazed at the whole cirrcumstance... its not the first time its happened... and it happens more than I want (of course). Even in Oakhurst, I've had old men hit me and my friends have had to come usher me away... because I'm oblivious when people are hitting on me unless they're really straight forward about it.

Well, eventualyl we went iceskating... Kerry, Garrett, Bobby, Tony, Chelsea, Brittany, Brian Miller (yay Brian Miller!), his friend Joel and myself... and while there I saw my Javier! I love you, Javier Jamie Martin! You are one of my very favorites!! Yep! Then after dropping off all the other kids, I hung out with Garrett until way too late and now I'm super tired...

It was nice to be here and see some people... but I'm more than glad to be going home today... in fact, I can hardly wait to be on the road again.... to be able to sleep in my bed tonight... though I'll get in about 11:00... 11:30... I miss everyone... and unfortuantely, I haven't had all that much alone time to think about Community life and the people up there... so maybe I'll do that on the 9 hour car ride home, hmm? If any other Common Folk read this... I love you, I miss you and you mean the world to me... Jesus has blessed me like no other with you in my life. Thank you for all being so very wonderful.

Yesterday was a slow but super relaxing day. Its been a long time since I've sat and watched movies and TV and done nothing else. Since my Mom is sick, we decided not to do a huge dinner... in fact, no dinner at all. It's just another day with another meal... not a big deal at all. I knitted most of the day. Then around 7, Mama Kay did bring us over some food... praise Jesus, because I was starving by that point.Then a little later, Kerry came over to bring me a Thanksgiving day present... GARRETT KERR! Yay Garrett, Yay! Garrett has been living in South Carolina for almost a year in the Navy. This is the first time he's gotten leave since he joined. I was super excited, I really love that boy... he's so full of life and energy, and he sings like an angel! So, we picked up a few more people and went to breakfast at a hotel (because even in Vegas, everything closes on Thanksgiving) and we all got the 99 cent midnight breakfast special... Yay for real eggs instead of cartoned ones. Sick. And that's my story.. didn't get back to the house until about 2:00 am...

This afternoon, I'm going to have lunch with Chelsea because I promised her over 3 months ago that the next time I came into town we'd do something because I had to cancel on her last time. And then tonight, I'll be going iceskating with Garrett, Kerry, Tyler Davis (who lives up at camp... he's a staffers kid... not on Common Fire with me) and soem other of my church friends... it'll be great. hehe. The one thing I'd wanted to do while home was to go iceskating. Yay for iceskating. Well, I suppose I ought to go get ready for lunch then, hmm?

Fare thee well, faithful readers.

Isn't it funny that when you leave a place you love so very much, that when you're lonely you just spend time trying to remember every detail... every knot in the wood, every laugh... every tree, just how the path way curves on the AIM trail... the feeling of waking up early and having an angelic orange glow light up your bed and looking out at the dew-turned-frost on the grass and the roof of the barn... knowing that its about 35 degrees outside but feeling so very warm with that orange glow shinning on your bed-ruffled head. In my stomache is a deep empty feeling... when I think of turning from the bright window to see Janice peek out from under her blanket and whisper with a smile, "hey" in that sweet, raspy morning voice I love every day. The thought of walking down stairs and seeing a crackling fire surrounded by people who'd actually woken up early enough for breakfast... some knitting or crocheting... some playing a card game and some reading... All perfectly content... all perfectly happy... a moment you want frozen in time forever as they look up as you enter with bright joyful faces and wish you a wonderful morning...yes... yes, the thought of that eases my mind... knowing I will go back and it will all be that way again... but its the thought of that that both eases my mind and makes me anxious for home. Yes, I am home sick... but not for this home. Not for this place.... I am sick for my community of Christians. My community of friends... for my family.

My Mom is still sick with the flu... and I'm hoping not to bring it back up with me! She hasn't been to work all week, and we were planning to go to have Thanksgiving dinner with some people from the church... but with her still sick, we called and said we couldn't come. You know you are loved when they tell you that later tonight, they will bring plates of food over so you can still have turkey and such. It is comforting to know that people are so willing to care for eachother. Especially since my Dad's at work today... and if I'd not been home, my Mom still would have been taken care of.

Last night, after hanging out with my Dad for the afternoon... shopping and eating lunch... I called up Javier, probably my closest school friend.... as I only keep in contact with 3 people from my highschool life... Then we hung out with part of my youth group. It broke my heart in several ways. Not because I missed them.. because sadly, I don't. It broke my heart because they changed... and not for the better... maybe boys will just always be boys... maybe they haven't changed at all, and its just me... Maybe I've changed... In fact, I know I have changed.. so that's not an issue at all... Perhaps I'll stop telling people when I'm come back to visit. But what broke my heart the very most is how I became suddenly.... "fake" with them around. I conformed to who they were.. I laughed at their jokes.. jokes I would normally frown at. I turned into my old self. A self I don't know anymore and a self I hate... a self I never want to see again. I fluttered my eyelashes and giggled a lot. I flirted with these people who were my friends.. with people from my youth group.. with people from my highschool... When all was done and the night was over... I felt dirty...I felt confused... I often struggle with who I really am... am I being real... I want to be real with everyone... but how do I know what of myself is real and what is fake?

When I got home last night I wrote in my prayer journal... I filled up pages! Pages of thoughts... pages of confessions... pages of worries and longings and desires.. both of my flesh and of my heart. I filled pages of questions.. about my future... about me as a person... about my time in this present place and about my time up at camp. I filled pages talking about my lonliness and of prayers for people I'd seen that night and for people I missed so dearly my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. And just after writting my last question, I opened my Bible... and where did my eyes fall on the page? Where did I chance to find myself in God's word? Song of Songs 3:1-5... "All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him, but did not find him...I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. 'Have you seen the one my heart loves?' Scarsely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go...Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

I'm home now... at least for a few days. Its such a strange feeling being home. A home that isn't really mine. Not anymore. My room is not my room. My room has been painted and nothing in there is mine, excepet a closet full of boxes and some clothes... I cried when I had to leave yesterday from Calvin Crest... and I cried myself to sleep last night as well... Pathetic, I know... Its not like I won't be back by Sunday...so where do I belong? Las Vegas is not my home... it is my home town.. a place where I know people... but it is not my home. Calvin Crest is always a home to me... but in a few months I will leave there too... then I'll go to Reno... where for a few years it might be my home... do I need roots? I feel like I do.... I think I'd deffinately be a "rooted person" if given the option... but I like the thought of adventure and travel! Its makes me excited... but everyone needs a home to come home too, right? A place to belong and feel acceptance.

Today will be a day of running errands. Going to the bank. Picking up soem things for my folks. Its a strange time to be home... my Mom is sick and my Dad leaves for work tomorrow. I have a few friends that are eager to get together while I'm home, but not many... many of which aren't home themselves... such strange times... I look forward to being back in my white room with bright blue trim and golden wood floors and the most gorgeous three way view.... but most of all, I look forward to seeing Juana and Janice, Andrea Ray, Leslie, Briches and Andrew and Jeremy, Julie and Sean, Karloina and Phillip.

Yesterday I had quite the adventure... unfortuantely, I can't talk about it here... because one side of the party doesn't want it to get out...so maybe I'll tell you another time! :)

Last night after the adventure though I got a very sad empty feeling and had to go to bed early.. or that's what I told everyone.. I went and looked at the Common Fire scrap book I've been making. I looked through all the pictures and was filled with such love for these people and the memories... I am so so so lucky to be here. I can just imagine my friends from church back home wishing they could up every Sunday night... wishing they could see the snow fall and the stars at night. Gosh, I love these people so much... part of me doesn't want to go home for Thanksgiving... I feel like we're right in the middle of such wonderful things... on an individual basis and with the community....

Geoff hit a deer tonight in his car. Poor Geoff.... He's all right. But "Bambi is dead" says Geoff.

ts been a long while since I've written. A lot has happened in the last few days. Tuesday night, Eric called us Common Folk, and it was fun talking to him.. but its hard talking on the phone here because there are people everywhere, especially since it's gotten colder recently and everyone wants to stay inside. I had to DTR (define the relationship) with one of the boys here that night too, and I'm super glad its all settled now and we can all go back to being friends. I like being friends best anyway, anything more confuses the situation and the community. Wednesday night, I stayed up late with Phillip... late like 6am. Phillip is really a wonderful, wonderful person. We talked some but mostly we slept... kind of a half asleep half awake.. and when we'd wake up we'd talk. About 6am we realized the sun was coming up and we went back to bed. Phillip is a very nice boy, I like him a lot.

Wednesday we watched episode 5 and 6 of Band of Brothers and really nothing more exciting happened outside of work.

Thursday was my day off, and good thing too... maybe it was the 4 hours of sleep the night before or maybe it was because half of Common Fire is sick, but I was sick that day. I slept most of the day on the couch waiting for people to get off work so they could keep me company... meanwhile, drinking 7 nalgenes full of water throughout the day. I was sleeping well until Jeremy decided he wanted to sleep too and started snoring. So then, I wandered around outside of our house and then finished a letter to my friend Sarah, who's at Milligan Christian College in Tennassee.

Friday day was Turn-over which as always was boring. Then I got home from work, took a shower and started painting, because I didn't think I'd be around if or when Art Night started because My aunt and cousins came last night. Its interesting them being here. They came over to the house for about 20 minutes and then left. After that, I sat outside for a while and looked at the stars. Bt it was 30 degrees and too cold to be out long, so I came in, sat by the fire and knitted with Phillip. We ended up staying up late once again...2-ish Phillip Said... in that same half asleep half awake dream world where the next morning you wonder if it really happened. When I went to my room, I found that the door was locked! Jancie had locked me out of my room. So, I stood there for a moment pouting and was about to go back down stairs when Leslie walked out of her room and asked what I was doing in the hallway. I told ehr I was locked out and she insisted that I come into her room and sleep with her as she has a Queen size bed. I slept well.

8:30 Saturday morning, I woke up, a bit drowsey, though I'm sure not feeling it like Phillip who hasd to be at work at 6:30. I met my family and everyone ate together this morning. Then I took my cousins down to the lake to play with the ice floating on top and then at 10:30, they left for Yosemite National Park. They should be back by dinner time. In about 40 minutes we have pasta (with Alfredo Sauce! yay!!!) for lunch and I start work. sigh. And really, that's the extent to the excitment of the past couple days. Tomorrow's Andrea's birthday, and I think we're going to have a Common Fire sleep over in the living room tonight! Neat, huh? Well, that's all! Take care and God Bless!

I'm not sure what to think about today. Ther question that is boggling my mind is this: Is it everyone or is it just me? Everyoen seems so on edge today... not so much on edge as moody. At lunch we sat around at a table just going at eachother. My fist thought was, "Why is everyone attacking me?" then I realized that I was attacking the attackers right back.. or maybe I was the attacker. In any case, it's about time the sea started getting a little stormy. We've had nothing but blue skies and smooth sailing... of course there's always someone who like to rock the boat and in all honesty, I feel like that's been delt with with loving hands for the most part.

Working by myself today was good. I worked mostly in the linen room of Cedar Lodge folding towels, sheets and blankets. When Jeremy joined me though he really did nothing but play around or yell at me about silly things. After work, I started feeling ill and took a nap only to be woken up by my Nalgene falling on my forehead and waking me up. I woke up to find that Jeremy had moved on to yell not only at me, but at Juana and Andrea too, so I finally built up enough courage to confront him about it and to tell him to stop acting stupid and shut up... which is so very uncharacteristic of me.

At dinner though many things had seemed to smooth themselves over. Briches acknowledged my presence for the first time in several days and Phillip was cheery as well. Seems like work went well in the Kitchen today. Jeremy never said a word to me and only one new storm started rolling in. Andrea was joking around with the boys and said something about Juana that was, of course, overheard. Juana left to sulk even though things were said in jest and I was glad to see Briches talking to her to make sure she was okay. Its strange to see Juana sad. But this too shall pass.. I only hope the pass before night because the two girls are room mates. I worry about Andrew, he's stopped taking his pain medications so quickly and refuses to wear the brace on his arm anymore. I just want him to heal quickly so he'll be back to work soon, he is a big part of the community and the work station... but I'm glad that Phillip and Leslie are feeling better. Now if we can just take care to keept he rest of the community safe and healthy before Thanksgiving break so people can actually enjoy their time at home.

I know its late into the first semester of Common Fire to start a blog, but two others in my community have started one and they seem to greatly enjoy themselves.. plus I feel it would cut down on emails I have to write everyday. So, I will write more later.. this was really just to see if I would enjoy "blogging" as much as Briches and Juana do...

~ Accommo Girl ~