Joshua David is right! This is absolutely ridiculous! Benny said I had a "troll" leaving comments on my blog. It would seem that way... 34 comments, most of insincere craziness! No good at all.

Yesterday was a cloudy day on the mountain. in fact so cloudy that we were actually in a cloud! One could not see more than 20 feet around them when outside. Work yesterday started well, and ended horribly. So much horribly that I cried to Phillip, Amanda and Juana before climbing into an apple tree and sitting until it turned dark and I couldn't feel my feet anymore. But I was much cheered up by one of the EMTs, Zach. Janice and Juana said I was flirting and he was flirting back.. and I can't deny it if they say that's what happened... but it was one of those days when I needed attention from someone... just someone to sit and talk to... talk about anything. (and what was said about medical things was honestly of no particular interest to me.) It's amazing the healing one can get from a smile, a hug or a kind word. His half an hour of conversation, whether of interest of no, was "just what the doctor ordered." He showed me kindness that no one else had... and a compassion, although I'm sure he had no idea, that brightened my evening.

But regardless of how my day wnet, I was actually impressed, for the most part, how the community reached out to comfort. Phillip, as a typical boy, attempted to fix the situation, while Amanda, Juana and Janice offered what they knew would do the most good, a hug, a word of love and then gave me space. Community is hard... but it can be so very rewarding.

Well, perhaps I should explain more... I have already made "Grandpa" Jean a scarf... which is the main reason for sending him a package to begin with. And I plan to write him a letter and send hima few pictures, of me with my family and so on... Contrary to my father's suggestion (and yes.. that was really my Dad... and I'm sorry you snorted, my Anonymous friend...)I will not be sending him any Viagra. Joshua David... I can not send myself in a the box... but it is a lovely thought and I love conversation with people! Especially real, honest, long and deep conversations! (if anyone's ever in the mood for one of those, please give me a call I'd drop anything to talk with you!!) Frederick, I don't know how old the boy was.. I only know that he is on the worship team and sings prettily. I'm assuming he's somewhere around my/our age. Thanks, for looking after me, I love you, Fred!

Question: If I could go anywhere in the world (meaning to any school or mission project) next year where should I go and what should I do? Basically, what should I do with myself next year? What would you do if you could do anything and go anywhere?

Ha! All of your comments to my previous post made me laugh! You guys are all GREAT!!

Life in the office has been good! I love having work for my hands to do and things to occupy my mind. Anyone who knows me, knows that I over analyze EVERYTHING... so its good for me to have to really focus on things so that my mind is clear. Its amazing.. I get off work and think, "Wow, I haven't thought about myself or my life all day!" Which, I'm sure, will soon be showing its bad points at some point. In any case, I do love the office... but I won't lie.. the phones are still a little frightening.

The weather is crazy today! It rains.. then it snows... then it rains.. then it stops... then it rains... crazy crayness!

Question: If you were an 83 year old man... and I was going to send you a package, for Valentine's Day... what would you want in the package?

Tonight, at church, a boy smiled at me.

Can we just talk about how amazing last night was!?

We've had WMI (Wildreness Medical Institue) students up here for the last month. They are all super cool and I'll miss them tons when they have to go home. So, they're training for wilderness EMT courses and over the past weeks, they've been doing senarios. You know, thorwing fellow classmates in the lake and the pretending they're hyperthermic and rescuing them... putting fake blood on themselves and making others fix them. Well, last night, the staff up here.. so Common Fire, and even a few full time staffers and their kids got in on a secret senario.

The 3 EMT instructors had us dressed up in these old clothes, that could be cut away, if necessary. Then they gave us all injuries. You see, we'd been a plane crash, and we'd fallen from a burning plane and had an assortment of injuries from bumps, bruises and scratches, to sticks through the arm, to head injuries, to burns, to abdominals falling out and missing arms! So, they used make-up just like in the movies and told us how to act according to our injuries... It was gross and totally cool at the same time!! Very realistic! After we were all decked out in fake blood and bones and wounds, they took us down the main road, off the property and set us out in the dark forest. They then added more blood, so that it could run down and look more realistic. They also lighted some cans of gasoline on fire so that it looked like a plane had actually crashed. And then we were left to wait by ourselves in the snowy forest wearing very little clothing and drenched in blood.

I sat near Kelsey Davis, as she was afraid of the dark (which was fine by me.. the middle of the dark forest isn't exactly a place I'd chose to be on my own either.) Kelsey and I talked until we were told to be quiet and about half an hour later we started hearing voices and seeing flashlights. At which point Kelsey began screaming, "Daddy! Daddy, where are you!?" at the top of her lungs. (she had a broken wrist, a bloody nose and a good scrape on her cheek) It took them a while to find us as we were the furthest down the hill from the others (I now see they had us placed well, the less hurt at the top of the hill so that the EMTs would get caught up in caring for them instead of the more injured down the hill. Kelsey was also put with me so that she could help them to find me.) Leslie Mitchel was the one to find Kelsey first... and she was placed just about 5 feet up the hill from where I was, though I was concealed behind a log. I made a slight noise when Leslie asked Kelsey (who had made herself fake cry) if anyone else was down there. Leslie called to another EMT (Jessie) who made her way toward me.

Now, when they had put injuries on me and told me what my main complaint was supposed to be, it worked out well due to the fact that it happened to be a bigger real complaint than my fake wound. I was supposed to be cold. Because you see, my abdominals were coming out of my stomache (sick, huh?) so, they tell me that when you're stomache is open in such a way, you're basically just letting heat out inot the environment. But, since I was also wearing a T-shirt and jeans and had been lying out in the cold wet snow spotted forest for the last half hour I was literally shaking. Jessie asked me my name and all the rutine things she was supposed to ask me and then started doing an assesment of my situation... of course, I was kind of flighty in my responses and a bit spacy in my few words, but I held character all the while saying how cold I was (at which she took her coat off and put it on me). I couldn't tell her if anything else hurt but when she startedassessing me she pushed on my stomache and I let out a yell of pain, at which she pulled up my shirt and sort of gasped (Heavens, how I wish I could have seen her face, but it was dark and her flashlight was bright).

After a moment of me moaning she said, "Yea, I bet that hurts" and then continued assessing me and soon Brenden (from Alaska) joined her. he held my head stationary for her and asked me questions and soon more people had joined them... all the while I continued shaking from cold and telling them I was cold... they found a sleeping bag for me and wrapped me in it, even elevated my legs. They tried to take my blood pressure but it wasn't possible due to my shaking (which after being covered in a down sleeping bag was harder to do and I had to force the shakes.) They once asked if there was anything they could get me, like a drink of water or some food, but I just told them I was cold... Then I was left with Brenden and Jessie again and everyone went off to find a carrier and another sleeping bag and a neck brace. So far, only Jessie had seen my abdominals hanging out and she lifted my shirt to show Brenden as they continued writting down my symptoms and other such things. She said, "Wow... that's quite a... uh... booboo." And that was the first and only time I smiled or broke Character the entire time. Where's my Emmy!? Then Brenden responded with, "She's got a nice little black eye here too." I HAD A BLACK EYE! YAY!

Soon, I was wrapped in another sleeping bag and not long later was given an oxygen mask. Meanwhile, I'm still shaking to the best of my abilities as I was getting nice and warm now and was being showered with attention as many of the other victims had been taken care of by this point. They soon found a third sleeping bag and were transfering me to a "basket" in which to carry me up to the road. it was 7:45, when we'd first gotten settled in, 8:25 or so when they first arrived, and about 10:30 when I arrived at the road. Upon arrival at the road the instructor walks by to see the dressing of my stomache. And Poor Jessie who had wrapped me! Had I really been hurt, I would have died the way I was wrapped up. She was supposed to wrap me with a wet cloth, but had forgotten and had wrapped me in a dry cloth... I would have dried out and died! But I didn't, so life is okay.

As that is only my side of the story, I'm sure you can imagine all the other stories from the other 13 people on the hill side! Andrew had a serious head wound and had only gotten to telling the EMTs his name and that he couldn't recall what had happened before passing out. So, the EMTs, not knowing what to do, and obviously not looking at his head, cut off his pants. Yep, just straight up cut off his pants. Like up the legs and accross the abdomin... so, there's Andrew with a HEAD injury and no pants. Poor Andrew... oh, and just for your information, they were his pants. Ellie, who'd lost her arm was left alone the longest amount of time, just screaming and yelling for help.. oh, her's was cool! They gave her a blood pump to pump fake blood out of her missing arm. So neat! Janice screamed every tiem someone touched her arms! Oh man! For that half hour of cold, it was totally worth everything else!

This morning at breakfast and lunch there was no other talk but of the senario! Who hadn't broken character, what went wrong, what went well, how they never ever wanted to see a person with their abdominals hanging out of them in real life... how Andrew had no pants and Jeremy had no shirt. Leslie commented on how pale I looked and how I played that part well, considering I never broke character really, except for my one smile, which was hidden by my convulsive breathing and shaking, anyway... so I doubt the two EMTs noticed. But really, it was so much fun! I was very neat to discuss what happened to all of us back at the Ranch House and cooler still to hear the EMT side of everything... So cool. I really wish we could all help out in another senario... I'd do it again in a heart beat!!

I really like the office! Yay office! Of course, there is a TON of information, but I started a bit on phones today, which was entertaining. I only hung up on one person today! Yay for me! Tomorrow I will be alone for the afternoon, answering phones and doing mail and such. Only my fourth day in training and I'll be alone! ACK!

Nadia loves me! She sent me a text message today!
Tammi loves me! She called me last night.. but it was before nine, so I couldn't answer it! But love you, Tammi!
Kari Maddox loves me! She wrote me an email... I'll write you back sometime!
Leslie Mitchel loves me! She told me so! So does Janice, she told me so as well!

Al, an EMT scares me.

Sorry its been a while since last I've posted.. and sorry for the lack of comments on this page, I have not yet figured out how to readd the comments back onto my page... but, I'd love to know what you're thinking -- if you're thinking anything -- so, feel free to email me at: liliymaid@hotmail.com... or, if you so desire, you could even give me a call! Yea Ranch House! Or... if you love me a whole bunch and calling and emailing just don't do you justice, I'd love to get a real live letter from you! 45800 Calvin Crest Road! You know, Valentine's Day is coming up, and from the looks of things around me, I'll be free... so you know, if you're into sending out a Valentine or two, I'd be DELIGHTED to recieve one (or more, if you truely love me) from YOU!

Ah Valentine's Day... Would you find it at all odd if I were to tell you that I already had all of my Valentine's cards bought (or made, depending) written out, addressed, sealed, stamped and ready to be sent out! Oh Valentine's Day! Possibly, the most exciting day of the year for a silly little hopeless romantic, like myself... of course, at the same time, also one of the sadder time of the year. SIGH! Its one of thsoe days where your hopes gather high, and you can laugh with everyone about how stupid Valentines day really is.. how much you hate all the little shiney red heart balloons, whisper that you never liked roses anyway, and basically every girl in the world that you talk to believes that boys suck... But secretly, deep inside.... you're just crossing those mental fingers and hoping that you might actually get one of those stupid balloons or worse a rose on your doorstep... and really, boy-kind doesn't really suck all that much... Ah Valentine's Day...

Hmm... Time for an update! My Mom and Javier came to visit me this weekend and we spent the whole time in Big O Town. I dyed my hair a dark auburn! Javier picked out the color and my Mom put it on my head. Its fun... I wish I was a real red-head! Red is a fun fun color! And for those of you who are wondering, this is a much darker and deeper red than the first time I dyed it. In any case, I had a wonderful time with my Family while they were here. Oh, big news in the life of Steph Garver! Ready? I'm working in the office. Thats right, no more Accommo for me. 8-5 every day in the office! I'm just being trained for the next month.. and praise Jesus for that because its a TON of information given in a very short ammount of time. I'm starting to get it... but the phones scare me like no other... I mean, the phones scared me before... regular phones scare me before.. but now imagine 4 lines and the phone ringing off the hook and all sorts of craziness! Then one has to remember the "gic" people and push the rigth button before you pick up the phone or dial a number or basically do anything... oh, reader, I already hung up on a woman today! I'm a bad receptionist! So, instead of phones today, I filed folders for summer all morning and afternoon in the back office... I like the office... I'm not so much a fan of the phones.

Joshua David Kerr called me last night to make sure I was doing all right. Joshua David loves me! Then I had roommate time with Jancie and Ellie... I like them! :)

How can you live a life without goals? With no point to living or waking up each morning? Question of the day was, "Why are you here today? and Why are you here at all?" Of course, this question only made it to one person before I was too troubled by the answer to continue. "I don't know" they said. All right, that's okay, I don't know precisely why I was called here either, but you must ahve some reason then why you live each day. "No, I don't really." was the response. "Well, do you have a long term goal for life?" they thought a moment, "To live each day for Jesus." Okay, good a wonderful goal! "Well, what are you doing to accomplishing that goal every day?" Another pause in thought, "I don't know I'm probably not." "So wait, you don't have any goals?" "Nope, I'm just sort of living." And then the conversation was over... A totally serious conversation! No jokes! Even small children have goals for life, you ask them what they want to be when the grow up and they could rattle off an answer for any number of hours. But this is a teen ager, practically an adult and a child has more goals for their life, more menaign to their existance. Okay,. I can maybe get past that they don't know what their goals are, but I just can't move on from the fact that in the conversation they also stated that they thought about this question a lot and enever came to a conclusion. No goals. How can you live a goal-less life? When will you know you've accomplished something? Keep my friend in your prayers.

Lonliness is still an issue for me. And I started fearing last night that if something did not happen soon, bitterness would begin to creap into my life and into this community. Benny asked me yesterday what thought could make this community better. (I'm sure word has no gotten around now that I am not exactly feeling accepted and loved in our new community.) I told him a few things, hanging out more with no TV, for example.. but really, what I feel it all comes down to are personal choices. We choose who we encourage and accept. We choose who we ignore and who is left out. Whether by subconcious decision or a meanigful act, it happens. And, it's been happening towards me. I was nervous enough about new people coming, and though they have done nothing outwardly wrong or intrusive, have been pushed from community. I don't feel free to even walk into the living room and talk with people. I was walking back to the house last night... feeling like my world was a box, the sky my ceiling, the dirt my floor, totally safe as I prayed that I wanted to walk back onto that house to those smiles and warm laughter... but at the same times, I wanted to run away from that house, I wanted to dissappear into the forest and not return because I would not be missed. But Benny's words of encouragement hung in the air as I walked... "We should talk more about community. No one should be feeling lonely."

Isn't is a glorious feeling knowing that you've done precisely what Jesus wanted you to do? Its funny how very nervous I was about this year fast I'm doing, but now that I look back, how very perfect God's timing is! Its true! I had a final DTR last night. No worries friends, its all sorted out.. just like the last 5 DTRs, only this time, we're going to stick to our decisions... for several different reasons. Accountablity, my fast, and vunerablity. In any case, today was a little bi brighter. Not to mention, its was gorgeous outside today! The sunrise was beautiful. Yes, yes...I was up at sunrise! I know, pigs fly! hehe! But it was warm, and there was work to do and much of it was outside, which was even better! I spent a good portion of the day shoveling snow... um.. ice, rather. Yes, shoveling ice. Good times... what makes shoveling the most fun is shoveling with someone, or two someones! So, I was off at 3, and because I had a bit of a late night last night, I wrote some letters, finished the Prince and the Pauper (I'm eager to start Pride and Predjudice) and then finally gave into my warm sunny room and soft bed to an hour long nap before dinner. Isn't life fun? What shall I do with it tomorrow?! :)

Why is it that I have been feeling so left out of community lately? There are so many wonderful people here with stories and lives and hearts full of Christ, yet I don't feel as if I belong right now. There's no where else I could imagine myself but here. I see the world full of possibilities and yet I am here stuck in rutine. A rutine that I know I was called to. A rutine that I know I am continually called to. I think of UNR next year.. that doesn't seem quite right... so , what then is right for my life? Last night in possibly the most inspirational, encouraging and beautiful sermon was given at church (given by a dear friend) Expect God to do amazing things. Be prepared for those amazing things. Humble yourself, be a servant. Expect soemthing and you will see it. But my life seems so ordinary. So dull and my eyes seemed closed to Jesus though my heart is crying out with seemingly no response. "I look unto the mountains, where does my help come from?" I know precisely where it comes from, but it doesn't seem as though its coming. I know in my heart that its on its way, that its alreayd here but I don't know the answer. I can't hear that still quite voice that I fell in love with as a child.

Its that point where I think I know exactly what I need to do, but how do I get there? How can I force myself to turn from the things I love so very much to put all my trust in God. I was praying last night before bed and God told me to trust Him. But its trusting Him with a year of my life, a year of my heart. Can I give up that much of myself? Can I give up this thing that I have told myself I love so dearly to be just with my Jesus? Of course I can, I've given things up before... but can I give up my heart this time? The thinsg I've given in the past, for Lent and such, have been trivial, though each year a bit less superficial and more glorifying... but can I give my heart? "The Heart is the Well spring of life." Christ tells us to guard our hearts and know that I can not guard my heart... but Christ can guard my heart... though the only way He can do that is if I give it to Him. Can I do that? Do I have the strength? I don't know the futrue.. and that's what scares me most. Jesus is telling me to give him what I struggle with most, by giving him my heart. and for a moment always think, "Yes God, whatever you want, its yours!" and then in a moment later I think, "Oh, but that's a whole year... that a year that anything could happen in... there's summer and there's school... and there's this place, this person... that person." But that voice is echoing in my heart, "Trust Me."

I know that if I trust, all that I've been praying for will come to pass. Answers will come freely, I will belong again and issues and worries will be solved. Does the fear out weigh the knowledge of this truth of this hope and promise that things will go right again? Of course not.... At which point my only response is thus: Here I am Lord, I trust You. I give You my heart for this year. I trust You.

Hello, world! :)

I woke up early this morning and headed down to the Oakhurst Community Center, where Karolina, Kari Maddox, Deb and I prepared appitizers for Bonnie Harrison and Jake Smith's wedding. We attended the wedding.. which was absolutely beautiful. It was totaly relaxed and Christ centered. It was one of the lovlier weddings I've ever attended. I had quite an enjoyable time and on-lookers could really feel the love of the couple and the love of God in the room. After the seremony, Deb, Karo, Kari and I booked it back to the community center to start cooking and putting final touches ont he platters and food. We made pecan stuffed mushrooms.. which I ate... yes, reader, I ate mushrooms... in fact, I ate many of the mushrooms throughout the day. W made soem fancy bread thing, which I wasn't the biggest fan of, but I tried it just the same. and then I made the potstickers. Hear that, Mom? I cooked potstickers for a wedding! Over 200 potstickers! Yay for me! I only burned myself once on a sheet pan of the ghetto bread that had just come from the oven and only cut myself once doing trash.. I know, stupid, right? Here I am.. working with trash all the time and I cut myself doing it once. Silly me! So, then we finish all the food, and start to clean up.. when Deb tells Kari and I to go out, find some young men and Dance. So Kari Maddox and went out, made ourselves perfectly available and no one asked us to dance. Such is life, eh? But later, I got to dance with Jan-ice ice Baby! After clean up, that was basically the wedding. It was really nice.

I have my staff application all ready now and will turn it in Monday morning! Don't worry, Tony! I've got it now! :)

Last night seemed like a long night... I tried to sleep and would continue to get woken up... until I just decided to stay awake... at which point Phillip tickled me for about 45 minutes. But don't you worry.. I'll get him back when he least expects it.. heh heh heh!

I realized at lunch today that today was the day of my jury summon in Las Vegas. That poses quite the issue seeing that I am not in Las Vegas.. nor am I even in Nevada... but very much in Califorina. So, I spent an hour on the phone trying to find a number and then trying to convince the opperator at the court house that I was not living in Nevada and could not answer my jury summon. Sad too... because I really did want to serve, if possible. I mean, you sit through years of government and history classes.. and for what? This one chance to see the government in action. But, the good news is, I am not going to be arrested! yay!

We have quite the plumbing issue in the Ranch House. The upstairs bathroom toilet has a massive clog, and when we tried plunging it, unmentionable things started coming out of the bathtub drain...then one of our girls is sick upstairs and well... she threw up in our poopy bathtub... poor thing... so, baiscally, we have one bathroom for 9 girls and the 5 boys, whenever they come to visit...

Isn't community fun!? hehe!!

Sometimes I'm not the biggest fan of community. Sometimes, people are left out. Sometimes, people are lonely. Somtimes, its hard living and working and being with the same few people all the time. Sometimes people feel very out of place. Sometimes people allienate themselves from the group when they feel lonely. Lonely, left out, so alone with everything... but then, you go outside.. into the snow... and you sit. Sit in the snow, in the dark.. listening to the piano, the guitars and singing from inside the warm walls.... Asking God why life is lonely... "why is it hard, God? Why am I here? Why do I feel so out of place?" And the a single cloud parts and there is the moon... a gorgeous round glowing orb placed just there in that window of clouds... looking to that silver lining as it slips away, how can God not be there with you? How can He not be listening? How can He not care?

Happy Tuesday!

The last two days I have shoveled so much snow. On Sunday, I shoveled snow for 7 hours. Yesterday, I dug out a truck, by myself, then did garbage... I got to jump in the trash dumpsters, where God revealed many things to me about life (honestly!) and about who I am. (Why do I have this feeling that you're doubting me?) Anyway, I jumped, I dug and I did some cleaning. That was my day yesterday.. And then in the evening, Kari Maddox came to visit me, (HI KARI MADDOX!) I had another DTR (which should have settled things, but oh, things just keep coming up.. my life is very awkward.) And today, I am here... and I am ready to shovel more snow in an hour... only that I don't want to change out of my pajamas. But I'll stay much warmer and dryer if I don't. Hmm... yesterday, while shoveling out a snowed in truck, I slipped, Tried to hold myself up with the top of a fence, but I just ended up hitting the fence instead... in which all the snow fell on top of me that had been piled on the fence... and do you know where that snow fell? All that snow on top of the fence fell into my pants.... I laughed at myself of course... but sometimes I wonder about life.

Happy Sunday!

Well, yesterday was fun... just everyone hanging out together. I really like days where we're all off together. I played a little in the snow.. its hard when its 3 and a half feet of powder though, so playing didn't last long. I got to hang out with some different people durring the day though, so that was cool. And I talked a little bit with Phillip last nigth before he fell asleep while I was talking... boys. This monring we found out the pipes to the Ranch House had frozen and we were without water for most of the day... just to our house though. I shoveled snow for 7 hours today.. those same ghetto 3 and a half feet of it... Its good to be off work.. but I know that I'll be feeling it tomorrow, because I'm feeling ti now. I'd go to bed right now, only that I promised Phillip I'd talk with him again and he said he wouldn't fall asleep his time.... he may not.. but I might. We have a chance of snow on Thursday... and this is one of the heaviest and earliest snows in the last 10 years. Anyway... I like life...

Hello Readers!

I don't feel like writting too much just now, but I do encourage you if you haven't read my last entry that its one you really don't want to miss! However, if you have I'd be delighted to tell you my most recent happenings. We have approximately 3 and a half feet of snow on the ground at this moment and its still coming down. Its nice having today and tomorrow off so I don't have to shovel any of that 3 and a half feet. Last night, probably due to snow, we had a power outage... from about 6:30 last night to about 10 this morning. It got really cold and I just want everyone to know that electric blankets do not work during a power outage. It was fun though because if you didn't want to sleep you were forced to sit and talk. We played some games, had a talent show (I sang 3 little songs) hada a couple of huge wrestling matches and talked. It was great! But it was sad that the minute the power came back on everyone went away...
"oh good.. now we don't have to talk to eachother anymore."