I was in such an amazing mood yesterday. What happened? The sky was blue, after work I ran around outside for an hour playing by myself in the grass... But literally, today the sky is cloudy the weather turned cold and the breeze started blowing. We have a chance of snow on Friday. Do I even want to go to San Francisco this weekend? In some ways I think it would be really good for me, in other ways I just want to stay here and feel sorry for my pittiful self.. but two weekends gone in a row? and less than 2 months left here... I don't know if I want to leave. I'm content where I am. Jeremy was my sunny sky in the midst of clouds today. He made me a sign that I can paint later for my garden. Maybe that would make me feel better. Would it really? I know my only true happiness can come from the Lord, but I'm feeling so helpless... I call and I get no response and I keep stumbling around in the mess I've made. Is my desire to be loved really that sinful as I feel it is? I suppose its how one goes about seeking love. I feel hopeless. I make promises to myself and at the whim of my flesh-desires I cast them aside knowing I am causing myself pain in the long run. Knowing I am causing others pain... but for a moment of feeling wanted and loved Is it worth it? What can I do when my world is closing in and I can't find a way out? My heart is broken. My insides feel empty. I feel so alone.