On being weak

I was going to write a post about trusting God and not trying to do everything myself... and I might still... only I just noticed that I am alone. I can not think ofa single moment in the last 3 weeks where I have been alone for more then 4 or 5 minutes at any given time. I have been keeping busy. I have been social and I've been working on a ton of homework. Spring break was pleasant... I had a lot of time alone.. a lot of time to prioritize and feel accomplished and not under pressure or careful watch. I was completely myself and it felt good to breathe. I'm ready for another break and thus greatly looking forward to summer in just a few weeks. But I know I must continue to find time alone each day... even if for just half an hour as life is hectic lately. It will also be good over summer to see my dear friend Sarah... I like her a lot... she and I have been talking a lot over the past few weeks and I find I miss her companionship more than I thought possible. Its good to have Christians friends who support you in everything... a lot of times I feel like Christians judge people.. holding people to standards they themselves can not even attain. And its good to have a friend who I know does not judge and has loved me since 5th grade and will continue to do so.....

This is actually a good time to write about how we can do nothing on our own. I amconstantly working to be nobel, good virtuous. I have veen been known to fool myself into thinking that I am in fact these things. But Isaiah says and I know that even my best deeds, when doneto earn favor with God, are nothing more than dirty rags in His sight. I read the other day an ancient Greek proverb that says, "If you wish to be good, first believe that you are bad." The problem with this is that although we come to Christ initially because we know we are bad is that it doesn;t take long for us to forget that we are still just that without Him. I realied today that I do want to be nobel and I want to be good... and so to do so, I must stop trying to be. Instead when I believe that I am not these things and never will be, no matter how hard I try, it's Christ's goodness and His noble character that produces noble character in us. I am am weak, He makes me strong. It is impossible to live the Christian life with out own strength and goodness, because we willalways fail at it. But it is through God's strength that we can know courage and through His power that we know goodness. It is His effort, His work, His goodness, and in all that, my gain.