as God answers

I don't know God's plan. I do not know God's plan for my life. I don't know my calling or where many of my gifts lie.

I am waiting.

I find it hard to be still, hard to wait... Hard to stay focused. I grow weak in waiting and often I am ashamed.
When will I know?
Do I dare to fit the whole universe into a single ball that might fit in my palm? "'Do I dare?' and 'Do I dare?'" Is it worth it in the end?
Sometimes I think so.

My heart is full with death... full with life.
Full with interpretations, dreams... longings.
Longings so great at times I feel I may burst open or split in two.
And sometimes full of such pain that it hurts to breathe.
It hurts to be.

There is much to say and yet nothing at all.