Well, going to lunch with two old highschool friends was fun. It was interesting seeing which ways we'd gone, how we'd changed (or not changed, as the case may be) and how the similarities in our lives were still very different. Though while they seemed to dwell on the past... I found it amazing that they still held grudges against people for things not even done to them.. how long will they hold these grudges? One of the people I was with, for instance, was mad at one of our other friends because of soemthing that had been done to me... Okay, that's fine if you're mad for a ay.. maybe a week... but 7 months and going? holding a grudge that had nothing at all to do with you... He was actually surprised that I still talked to the boy... and I was surprised that he still didn't... So is that "just life" or is it just people being stupid. I pray that any grudges I'm holding against people (whether I know about them or not) that the Lord will reveal those to me so that I can be free of such silly feelings... and I pray the same for people who might have grdudges against me... May they find it in their hearts to forgive me for my wrongs. "Forgives us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Tonight the phone rang. I picked it up and was pleasantly surprised to hear my adopted grandfather, Jean's voice on the other end! I have talked to him only once before and that was over 4 years ago. Otherwise, I have never met him. The letters he sends me make me want to cry.. and often I do. Letters of how much he loves me (a girl he's never seen and never met) How much he worries about me and wants me to be happy... Of how much pain he is in. It was the first time I was able to ask him questions and find out answers to. In each letter he inserts money... anywhere from 100-20 dollars per letter. Why such kindness to a girl he's never met? Why such generosity and love and admiration? Questions I ask myself through the tears as I read his short notes over and over. I deeply enjoyed speaking with him this evening... it was the perfect Christmas present, in all honesty. I would rather get a phone call from him than ever recieve money. I would rather meet this sweet angel who loves me than inherit his estate as he hinted to my Mom that I would. Oh, even his call made tears come to my eyes... when he told me of the surgery he's had done and having done.. and the pain and the blindness... my heart broke. I can offer him nothing in return for his generosity. Nothing except for friendship. This sweet, 83 year old man, on a ranch, spending Christmas alone tells me a name and says that I must remember than name because someday soon I might get a call from them telling me of Jean's passing... and that this man would be the one who would help me with the arrangments. ME with the arrangments! What can I offer this man? (I could make a scarf, but that hardly says as much as I desire to say) What have I offered him so far? I've written a few letters... I shared with him pieces of my life and my heart... Do you know the reason he called me tonight? Because he wrote me a letter at Thanksgiving and I haven't written him back. He thought something had happened to me! He was worried over my slowness of writting back and wanted to call to make sure I was well.... That is true kindness. I will write him more frequently.

Jesus, I want to show that kind of kindness. I want to be that generous, that compassionate, that kind and caring. But not just to people I love, to everyone. At church tonight I saw an old man. A man that I never knew his name but he is always so excited to see me and he just seemed delighted that I was there. He waved to me across the sanctuary and I made my way quickly to him, stopping the conversation with other youth as I excused myself to go to him. I hugged him and he asked how I was and what I was doing. As I looked into his joyful, elderly face I knew that was the look that my Jean would have had while on the phone, earlier in the evening. I love that Jean cares so much for my safety and for my well being. I hope I will always be able to stop and ask people how they are and actually hear their answer instead of just passing by or changing the conversation to a topic of my preference. Jesus, be with Jean durring his holiday season as he is alone, has little to no family and is in such deep pain.