Tonight is possibly the first night in my life that I have ever seen Marriage in a realistic view. As what could be a rather non-romantic, tiresome, lacking physically leaving (if any) a broken or dull conversation. Nothing new was portrayed to me.. I did not experience a marriage fall apart... no couple was the example that caused this new thought, Only it has come to me with the will and grace of God. Something I had deeply hoped would come. For though I have always figured marriage as this perfect romantic, always happy thing, it is not. It seems that I am too often floating through life only looking for a husband, a companion, a close friend. But is that all life's about? Finding a man, marrying him, then the movie's over... the story ends and we can all go home with warm-fuzzies in our stomache. The media tells us that's all there is in life... they do not show children coming into a picture... they show only the lust and the physical things and when ti comes to something deeper the scene is scratched off the drawing board. As a Christian, I know there is much much more to life and it is good that in this moment I have my first realistic view of marriage (though don't get me wrong, I also know there can be very good, wonderful blessed times in marriage as well).

I like that each time I come home I findsomething that I can practice (or decide on) up at Common Fire so that when I come home or move on from the mountain I can truely be changed. The last time I was home it was a combination of flirtatiousness (which I could ignore no longer) mixed with forgiveness... forgivness of myself and of those around me. This time it is my spiritual life. I act out Christianity more than I am real to it. My paryer life is far more improved than ever before.. but my lack of reading the Bible is what seems to kill me while I'm home and while I'm up at camp, too. There are so many Christians and so much learning that at times it seems silly that I should be reading and teaching myself... but that thought in itself is foolish and I deeply know it. I need to read the Bible more... much more.

I haven't finished my summer staff application yet... Juana will scold me.